Jokes | चुटकुले

Dr:jab apko pta tha chipkali apke kaan me ghus rahi hai to aap chup Q the?
Santa:pahle Cockroach gaya tha to muje laga ki chipkali use pakdne ja rhi thi

Santa: Dr.Sahab 2 SalPehle Mujhe Bukhar Aya Tha...
Dr:To Ab Kya Hua.



Santa: aap ne Nahane ko Mana Kiya Tha

Naha Lu?

Munna : Yaar Circuit ,ye gandhiji Har note me haste kuy rehte hai?
Circuit:Simple hai bhai! Royenge to note gila ho jaye ga......

Wt s de bigest pressure 4 Pak captain wn Pak neds 1 run 2 win in 8 ovrs,wd 5 wickets in hand?

Ya Allah!How 2 speak English in presntaton ceremony?

Santa: Tumnay new car kb li?
Banta: Ek din ek larki mujhey apni car mai bhita kar lay gai, aur
kapray utar kar boli jo chahiye lay lo, maine car lay li
Santa: Changa keeta kapray ki karnay siiiiii (well done, what you will do with cloths!)

Santa: Kela kitne ka hay?
Kelay wala: 1 rupay ka ek.
Santa Ji: Kela 60 paisay ka do gay?
Kelay wala: 60 paisay ka Kelay ka chilka milay ga.
Santa Ji: Ok! ye lay 40 paise
kela mujhe day chilka to rakh.

LALU-Rabri tum meri CHAND ho.
RABRI-ye ji ...humko CHAND-VAND mat kahiye sasura america bale daily chadhte hai.

Wife:raat ko ghar me chor aaya or mujhe kiss karke chala gaya.

Pati- tumne roka nahi?
Wife- bhut kaha tha rukne ke liye, bola fir aaonga.....

guest host se- main khana kha raha hoon par ye kutta mujhe kyun dekh raha hai?
host- ye kutta apni plate achhi tarah pehchanata hai

Banta selling Parashut : Plane se kudo, Button Dabao, Aur aap zamin pe safely land!
Custmer : Agar Parashut na khula to?
Banta : O G paise wapas.

teacher asked to student wht is your cast?

stu:- pehle to hum sharma thay ,fir rajput thay. fir baniy ho gaye , abhi hah darzi, aage mummy ki marzi.

Chintoo : Aaj maine apni class mein sabse pyaari larki ko phansa li..

Friend : Woh kaisey?
Chintoo : “Class lagi thi.. Maine kaghaz ka jahaz bana ke Phainka. Jahaza teacher ke pass chala gaya. Uss ne ghusey se poocha yeh kiss ne phainka? Maine us larki ka naam le liya aur who phans gaye bichari

Santa: Tu office mein toh bada sher bana ghumta hai, ghar par kya ho jata hai?
Banta: Hota toh sher hi hoon par DURGA sawar ho jaati hai…

Raat ke 2 baje ek admi bahu ke kamre
se nikla aur chala gaya.
Saas ne dekha lekin kuch na boli
Kyu…

Kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi!

Pathan BLOOD Ke bare mein book parh raha tha

Wife: Aaj yeh book kyu parh rahe ho ji?
Pathan: Mujhe doctor ne kaha hai ke kal mera BLOOD test hai iss liye test ki tayari kar raha hoon.

GADHE ke samne 1 PAANI ki & 1 DARU ki balti rakhi'
GADHA Paani pi gaya.
Police ne sharabi se pucha- Tune is se kya sikha???


Sharabi- Jo DAARU nahi pita vo GADHA hai...

Naukrani ne malkin se kaha, memsahab gajab ho gaya, pados ki teen auraten aap ki saas ko peet rahi hai.

Malkin naukrani ke saath balakani se aayi aur chupchap tamasha dekhne lagi.
Naukarani ne poocha, aap madad karne nahi jayengi?

Malkin: Nahi uske liye teen hi kaafi hai.

Husband:Hypnotize karna kisay kehtay hain???
Wife:kisi ko apnay control main kar k us say apni marzi k kaam karwanay ko kehtay hain,
Husband:Chal jhooti usay tou Shaadi kehtay hain

PATIENT: Dr bahut patli aa rahi Hai.
DR: Kitni Patli
PATIENT: Bahut Patli
DR: Kitni patli
PATIENT : Itni patli ki SMS padnewala kulli kar le

Santa Platfrom k side leta tha
Banta-Kya kar rahe ho?
Santa-Sucite
Banta-to beach me leto
Santa-Dar lagta he

srk ko audition mein ek ladki ne bhaiya kaha aur wo ladki film ke liye select ho gayi secrtry ne pucha apno usko select kyon kiya srk ne kaha pehli baar to kisi ne bhai kaha hai

Teacher:Aasman me udne wali cheez ande deti hai, zameen pe rehne wali bache deti hai. kaun hai joaasman me udti hai par bachche zameen par deti hai? Chintu:Airhostess!

Hindi teacher asks-KAAL kitne prakar ke hote hai?
SANTA -7 prakar k
Local kaal, STD kaal, ISD kaal, Missed kaal,Receivd kaal, Dialled kaal and sasriy kaal,

Dr: aapko brain tumer hai
pataint: oh great news(khush khabari)
Dr: aap itne khush kaise hai ?
pataint:isase yah saabit hota hao ki mere paas dimag to hai.

Patient:-doctor mujhe beemari hae khana na khau to bhuk lag jaati hae,jyada kaam karta hu to thakan lag jaati hae,der tak utha rahu to need aa jaati hae.Kya karu?
Doctor:-Raat bhar dhoop mae bhete raho sahi ho jaoge.

Santa ped k upar ulta latka huya tha.
Bamta- tu ped par kyo latka hai.
Santa- Sar dard ki goli khayi thi, kahi pet me na chali jaye, ISLIYE

girl- tumne mujh pe kya dekha ki mujhse pyar karne lage
boy- abhi kaha dekha hai maine sab kuchh dekhne ke liye hi to pyar kiya hai

Beta papa se: Papa main itna bada kab ho jaunga ki mummy se bina poochey ghar se bahar ja sakoo.
Papa thandi saans lete hue: Beta, itna bada toh abhi main bhi nahi hua hoon.

Saas: Bhagwan ne tumhe 2-2 aankhe di. Chawal me se 2-4 pathar nahi nikal sakti kya.

Bahu: Very funny! Bhagwan ne tumhe 32 daant diye 2-4 pathar bhi nahi chaba sakti ?

Akbar: Kal Maine Sapna Dekha K Tum Gobar Me Gir Gaye Aur Mein Shehad (Honey) Me!Birbal: Ji Maharaj! Fir Mai Apko Chatne Lga Aur Aap Mujhe!

Film Director to Actor: Tum ko 100 feet ki height se swimming pool me jump lagana hai.

Actor: Par mere ko tairna nahi aata, mein doob jaunga.

Film Director: Don't worry, pool me paani nahi hai.

Pathan: Molvi sahab wazu k baghair namaz ho jati hai?
Movie: Nahi hoti

Pathan: Ho jati hai yara
Molvi: Bhai, nahi hoti

Pathan: Hojati hai, mene khud perh k dekhi hai.