Jokes for Topic: Profession

Santa Had A Leakage In The Roof Over His Dining Room.
Plumber Asked: 'Sir When Did U Notice Leakage in Roof ?'
Santa: 'Last Night.... When It Took Me 3 Hours To Finish My Delicious Chicken Soup'

(Jokes in English)An Investment Banker Was Getting Married.
During Wedding, The Wife Vomits.
Husband: 'What Happened?'
Wife: 'Capital Gains Arising Out Of Previous Investment.'
Husband: 'U cheated me..'
Wife: 'U should know, mutual fund investments are subject to market risks!'

Relationship status N Singer
Before relationship- Honey Singh
When in relationship- Arjit Singh
After breakup- Jagjit Singh......

Ek 99 year ka aadmi Swarg ki raunak aur sunder apsarao ko dekhke bola : “Ye Baba Ramdevv ke chakkar me na pada hota to yaha 30 saal pehle aa gaya hota”.

Nikhattu ko beedi ki lat lag gayee
uske papa ne lat chhudane ke liye use
baba raamdevki Yoga class me bheja
aur phir
Papu aab paon se bhi beedi pee leta hai

Sarkar ne aadesh jaari kiya hai ki chalak, purush ho yaa Mahila dupahiya vahan chalak ko helmet pahnanaa aniwarya.
yah khabar sunkar patni ne almaari kholi aur boli,'he bhagwan! ab itne
saare maching helmet kharidne parenge'
pati ne 'activa'hi bech di.

Patrakar: kaun ho bhai?
Jatt: Jatt
Patrakar: kitni jamin hai aapke paas?
Jatt: 150 eqkar
patrakar: kaun si gaadi hai aapke paas?
jatt: Pajero
Patrakar: to aur kya chahiye?
Jatt: aarakshan
Patrakar: kyon bhai?
Jatt: manne na patta bhainsh ki punchh,jyada sawal koni.aarakshan chahiye to chahiye bass..

Madam: Sabse Zayada Izzat Kiske Paas Hai...?
Boys: Shakti Kapoor,Prem Chopra, Gulshan Grover, Amrish Puri, Pran Ke Paas.

Madam : Wo Kaise...?
Boys : Mamam kyuki inhone ne hi sabse zayada izzat Luti Hai....!

B S N L Customer Care
Bittu : Internet bohat slow chal raha hai
Customer Care Girl: Wow! Internet toh chal raha hai na kush raho

Subah ke shauch ke liye banenge alag Railway Track,
Rail mantraalay ki nai pahal

Blue line bus me khub bhid thi
Conductor-Chacha Gate par kyo khde ho
Bhitar to chalo
Chacha-kyo Bhitar tumne Dari bichha rakhi ha

An astronomer was watching the sky from his telescope Santa Singh was observing him,
Suddenly a star falls, seeing that Santa Singh shouted,'Kya nishana lagaya hai!' waah....waah..

ek vaqt tha jab kaanhaa baansuri bajaate the aur
gopiya ghar se baahar nikal jaati thi,
aur ek aaj hai jab kachare vaala saayran bajata hai
sabhi mahilaen aur ladkiya ghar se baahar...

British Judge to Mallya: kya aap bhaarat ne paisa loota?
Mallya: Aap ne bhi loota tha..
British Judge: jaane do yaar, apana hi banda hai...daily jokes

Pappu aajkal log “long beard styles” kyo rakhte hai?
Happu- terrorist to confuse karne ke liye...
Pappu- kese?
Happu- jab terrorist attacks hoga to unko pata hi nahil chalega
ki koi aam aadmi hai ya koi hamara dost kyoki long beard wale
lagte hai jese koi terrorist hi ho :)

Ladka- call 100
100- Yes...what is the matter?
Ladka- 2 young girls are fighting 4 me!
100-Then what? what's your problem?
Ladka- The ugly 1 is winning.

Pahale 1 ne Red Light signal jamp ki,
peechhe se 5 aur ne ki.
Police ne pahale ko chhodakar sabhi ka challan kaata.
baakiyon ne poochha: “ise kyon chhod diya?”
Inspector:
yah hamaara hi aadami hai ye vaapas jaega
Red Light signal jamp karega aur tum jaise 4-5 ko phir phansvaega.
hamen bhi target poore karane hote hain.

डकार खाने की प्रोसेस के साथ-साथ भगवान का नाम लेने की
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अद्भुत कला सिर्फ भारतीय लोगों में ही पाई जाती है…
? ? ?

अमेरिका ने दावा किया कि, –
“हमने मगंल. शनि और दूसरे ग्रहों की खोज की है, उसका “147 बिलियन” का खर्च आया है .
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अब उन पगलों को कौन समझाये कि, –
“हमारे यहाँ तो रू. 101 में ब्राहमण इन सभी ग्रहों की दिशा ही बदल देते है ।”
? ? ?

अपने प्रेमी से रातों को चोरी-छुपे बात करनेवालें
थोड़ी-सी आहट होते ही
ऐसे सांस रोक कर सो जाते हैं कि साला…
क्राइम ब्रांच वाले भी मरा समझकर आगे बढ़ जाए…
? ? ?

रजनीकांतः(एयरलाइंस वालों से)..
दिल्ली टू चेन्नई फ्लाइट कितने बजे आएगी..?
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एयरलाइंस वालें : 1 घंटे मे Sir..
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रजनीकांत – “रहने दो… इससे तो अच्छा है कि मै पैदल ही चला जाऊँ,”
? ? ?

भरी दोपहर में पडोसी के घर की बेल दबाकर भाग जाना
यह भी एक तरह का “हिट एण्ड रन” ही है…
? ? ?

Q : Arrange marriage mein talaak kam kyon hote hain?
A : Jo apni marzi se shaadi nahi kar sakta woh saala talaak kya khaak lega.

This is Osama Bin Laden's favorite Song

Main Niklaa Aeroplane Le Ke....
Raste Mein New York Pe...
Ik Mod Aaya .....
Main Trade Tower Tod Aaya...

Rab Jaane Kab Guzraa....
New York..........
Kab Pentagon Aaya..
Main Uthey Aeroplane Fod aaya.......

Chhote: Woh ladki kitni sundar hai!

Bade: Mujhe uska naam pata hai.

Chhote: Kya naam hai uska?

Bade: Woh bank mein kaam karti hai, uske counter ke upar uska naam likha tha 'CHAALU KHAATA'

Pandit : Tumhare jeevan mein 6 ladkiyan aayengi.

Santa : Wow, kya baat hai.

Pandit: Zyada khush honey ki baat nahi hai. Ek gharwali aur 5 betiya hai

Train mein TT Sadhu se bola : Kahan jana hai?
Sadhu : Jahan Ram ka janam hua tha.
TT : Ticket hai?
Sadhu : Nahin
TT : Chalo
Sadhu : Kahan?
TT : Jahan Krishan ka janam hua tha.. Jail mein.

Police Inspector : Have you caught the thief?
Hawaldar : No, but I found some trace of him.

Police Inspector : What?
Hawaldar : Finger prints.

Police Inspector : Where?
Hawaldar : On my cheeks.

How can a foreigner tell his indian servant 2 open the door, who doesnt know english.
Think
Say this fast in American accent.
There was a cold day!' ;->

What is dhobi?
A man who dares to say to any woman in the presence of her husband 'Kapde nikalke rakho main aa raha hun.'

Reporter: Khan saab platform par khare sab pathan kaise mar gaye?
Pathan: Ek elaan hua ki train platform par aa rahi hai sabne jaan bachane ke liye patri par chhalaang laga di.
Reporter: Phir aap kaise bach gaye?
Pathan: Main khudkushi ke liye patri par leta tha ye elaan suna to main platform par ja kar lait gaya.

Hijade ek shaadi ki badhai dene gaye.
Haye haye main to 1100 lungi.
Dusri Boli main to 2100 lungi.
Peeche se aawaz aai 'Abey 2310 le lo usme FM bhi hai'