dialogues for cast: Johnny Lever

Ya habibi ... tu marega kabhi bhi

Yeh drugs hai woh bimaari joh sab pe padhe bhaari ... aaj iski baari toh kal uski baari ... ab teri baari

Tu mera pati ... main teri patni ... bhar de meri maang ... nahi toh cheer doongi teri taang

Jahan kabootar ka naam Masakali ho sakta hai ... zameen pe rehkar ghode ka naam Badal ho sakta hai ... aadmi ka naam Mahela Jayawardene ho sakta hai ... toh inka naam Entertainment kyun nahi ho sakta hai

Gaadiya videshi look mein achchi lagti hai ... aur foreigners hamesha Indian sanskar mein achche lagte hai

Mithai ki dukaan mein mirchi hai ... aai shapat kai tari gochi hai

Shakahari ke pet mein machchi ... aai shapat kai tari hai gochi

Maine teri maang kya bhar di ... tu bhar-bharke maangti phir rahi hai

Mereko duniya ki nazar mein mat gira ... mubarak ho shaadi ki saalgirah

Yeh shaadi joh hai na woh public toilet hai ... jitne log bahar khade hai na, unko andar jaane ki jaldi hai ... joh log andar hai, unko bahar aane ki jaldi hai

Tu insaan nahi farishta hai ... cafe Barista hai

Ek toh hotel thanda, dhanda manda, upar se tu zaleel bandha

Har dhoti pehenne waala Gandhi nahi hota

Ek phool do maali ... din paali ki raat paali

Aap toh woh hai joh saare jahan ka khoon peekar bhi pyasa reh jaye ... maut toh kya yamraj ko bhi nighalkar bhooka reh jaye

Woh Jackie Chan hai toh main Johnny Chan hoon ... woh Hong Kong hai toh main Hindustan hoon ... mujhe side nah de toh suicide hai ... mere left se bache toh right hai ... kai aaye kai marre, Johnny Chan se sabhi darre

Karate ho ke life ... dard se hi mard banta hai

Abhe pain balm ... ghamorio ke saste powder!

Clinic all clear dandruff shampoo ki tarah clear clear bata do ... varna itna maarenge ki zindagi bhar badan pe kapdon ki jagah dukh dabao lep lagakar ghoomoge

Ye perfume ki khushboo ki smell kidhar se aa rahi hai?

Aye hawai jahaj pack kar chal ... samaan mein baithke jaana hai fatafat

Thoda thoda karke peena chahiye na? ... aadha tum aadha main, dheere dheere

Abhe kum akal ki chai ki patti

Yeh toh underwear dost nikle

Aye good night ke machchar ... mere dimaag pe sawaalon ka manjira mat bajaa

Abhe bagar pani ke magarmach

Aslam bhai ko joh raag patti deta hai na ... usko Aslam bhai malam patti deta hai

Chande mein aur dhande mein Aslam bhai ke liye sab dharam samaan hai

Kabhi akkha, kabhi adha, kabhi pauwa bhi peete hai ... agar phokat ki mil jaye, toh matka bhi peete hai

Pyar mein aur photograph mein koi farak nahi hai ... dono andhere mein develop hote hai

Tera ek ek aasoon mere liye bada bada samundar hai

Public garden mein phool hote hai, tum jaise kaante nahi ... factory mein bonus hota hai, aaise badhe badhe ghaate nahi