Jokes | चुटकुले

Doctor: aap dariye mat. main hoo na.
Patient: wahi mera sabse bada dar hai doctor.

jyotish - tumhari jindagi me14 ladkiya ayengi.
boy-oh yes,ye hui na baat.''what a life''
jyotish -jyada khush mtho bete ek patni or 13 betiya hongi....

Father: Exam me kitne no. aaye
Santa: 1 nahi aaya, baaki pure aaye hai
Father: Saabas, 99 no laya hai mera beta
Santa: Nahi maine kaha 100 me se 1 nahi aaya, 00 aaye hai

Boy Ask A Girl 'bidayi' Ke Time Pe Ladkiyan Roti Kyu Hai?

Girl:- ' KAMAINE' agar tujhe pata chale ki shar se door le jake koi tujhse bartan majvayeda to tu kya nachega

2 dost ek hi exm me 2 ri bar fail ho gaye

1 dost- chal yaar suicide karte hai,

2 dost- abe pagla gaya h kya agle janam fir 'jr.KG' se shuru karna padega.....

Ek Daaku (Lady Se)
Ye Saare Zevar Mujhe De De?
Lady- Le,
Ye Le,
Payal Le,
Jhumke Le,
Chudi Le,
Chain Le,
Long Le,
Sab Le Le.
Or
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LUGAAI ban Ja Kutte

Santa: shirt silwane k liye 1 achha kapda dikhao.
Salesman: plain me dikhau?
Santa: nahi helicopter me dikha saale bandar yahi pe dikha,,,:-,

Pathan Student:
Miss kya raat ko aap mujhe Call kar rahi thi?
Miss:
No
Pathan Student:
Kamal hai
subha mere Mobile pe likha tha: (MISS Call)

Santa- oye yaar! Tu mujhe sms 2-2 baar kyu bhejta hai..?
Banta- oye! Ek sms tu rakh liya kar aur ek forward kar diya kar.

Camera man studio mein chote bacche se:
Meri taraf dekho beta, is camera se kabutar niklega.
Baccha-
Focus adjust kar,
gawaron wali batein na kar,FB par lagani hai pic..:p

Teacher : Repeat the sentence
'Delhi me Qutub Minar Hai..'
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Student (in a sleepy tone) :
'Dubai mein Kutta beemar Hai....

Technology Impact:

Year 2050 Mein Pita Gusse Mein Apne Nursery Ke Bache Se:
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Mene Tumhe Hazaro Baar Bataya Hai…..
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Ki Tum Vastav Mein
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Paida Hue The Na Ki Download…

Boy : may I kiss u?
Girl : No
Boy again : May I kiss u?
Girl : No.. Boy desperately
asks :
PLEASEEEEE
MAY I KISS U?
Girl : Kutte, kaminey...
Teacher thodi naa hoon jo permission maang raha hai ZABARDASTI nahin Kar sakta kya ?

athan Ne Apni Biwi Ko Goli Maar Di,,,
Kyun Ke Usne Sirf Itna Kaha Tha Ke
Mein Apni Zindagi,,
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'Shan' Aur 'Shoukat' Ke Sath Guzarna Chahti Hon..!! =P

Ek kanjus ko electric current Laga..

Uski wife:
Aap theek toh ho na?

Kanjus:
.

Mai theek hu..
tu meter dekh, UNIT kitne badhe..??

Ek murgi aur uske 3 bache road cross kar rahe the.
Road cross karne k baad murgik 1 bache ne kaha,hum saato ne road cross karli.

7 kaise?
?
?
?
Socho,




Aur socho,

read msg again,
than scroll down,


Arey yaar,bache hai kuch b bolte rehte hai..

aap tension mat lo..

Height of Torture !!!


Bf-aaj i am very tensed, mood kharab hai, sirr bhi dukh raha hai...
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Gf-hmmm!!!
Acha wo sab chodo,ye dekho!!

mera naya purse!!!...

1 boy ladki ko impress krne ke chakkar me bike se gir pada...
girl:Ooh! Aapko kahin chot to nhi lagi?
Boy : Hat pagli! Hum to gaadi se aise hi utarte hain...!!

Santa nahi sudhrega:
policeman:
sab sach bata varna chaddi uttar k marunga.
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Santa: saab galti Maine ki hai aap kyun chaddi uttaro gey.
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Koi samjhao yaar

Girl (in train) :- can i sit here ?

Boy :- it all urs .........

Girl :- can i take some water ?

Boy :- my pleasure ............

Girl :- Bhaiya agla station kaun sa hai ?
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Boy :- mere baap ne mere dimag me koi GPS fit nhi kiya hai ,
jaldi seat khali ker mujhe neend aa rahi hai ........

ek dost ne dosre dost se pocha: sonu, kya tere papa ko tere cigarette ki adat ki bare main pata hai? to dost ne kaha: aray yaar cigarette ki bare main tu pata nahi magar mere charas ki bare main usko pata hai

Santa:Aap Mujhe School
Kyo Bhejti Hai ?

Mummy:Taki Tum Ek
Achchhe Insan Ban Sako

Santa:Lekin,
Teacher 2 Mujhe Hamesha
Murga Banati Hai !

Police:
Hame Aap K Ghar Ki Talashi Leni Hy,
Pata Chala Hy K Aap K Ghar Mai Koi Dehshat Gard Hy.
Husband:
Khabar To Pakki Hy,
Per Abhi WOH Maikay Gai Hui Hy....

Larki ka Baap Larki se..
Jisse tum pasand karti ho
Uske Paas Bangla, Gaari, Jaayedad to hai na?

Larki: Tauba Hay..
Saare Mard Ek Jaise Hote hain..
Wo bhi Aapke Bare mein Yehi Pooch raha tha!!

Bhakt: Baba mein dukhi hu.
NIRMAL BABA: Aap ke pas SmsJokes4u ke sms aate hai.
Bhakt: Haanji
Baba: Reply karte ho
Bhakt: Nahi
Baba: Roj reply karo..
Kripa aani shuru ho jaygi.

Teacher: Kutta Dum kuyn halata hai ?
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Santa: Sir Kuyn K Dum Kuttay ko nahi hilla sakti

Boy: Can i have a bite of ur dairy milk?
Girl: Kya main apko janti hu.
Boy: Jaldi de de behen Samosa khake aaya hu.
mirchi lagi hai
drame baad mein kar liyo.

Real Story from Assam.
1 Ladka & Ladki pyar karte the.
Ladki k Bap ko pata chal gaya.
Wo gusse me bijli ki wire Ladki ki badan pe rakhne hi wala tha k achanak.





Bijli chali gai.
Ladka chillaya-
Tarun Gogoi jindabad

MORAL-
Agar saccha h apka pyar,To sath h Apke
Assam Sarkar..

Uncle: Kya Kar Rahe Ho Beta Aaj Kal..??
Boy: Ji EnGineering
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Uncle: Ohh.. Humko Laga Padhai-Wadhai Karte Hoge.

Boy: I love you i can't live without u.. Mar jaunga,Mit jaunga,tere pyar me fanah ho jaunga.. :(

Girl : Hmm.. Dekh le jaise b tujhe thik lage.

Biwi ne Board dekha
Banarsi Saree Rs10
Naylon saree 8/-
Cotton saree 5/-
Wife: mujhe 500
rs do me 50 saree
khridungi
Pati-Surdas ki Ma
ye LAUNDRY ki dukan h

Boy (kamina) ne 1 ladki ko call ki..

Boy - Hello Jan I love U..

Ladki - Sachi..

Boy - Really..

Ladki (maha kamini) - Jaanu 100 ka recharge karwo do plz...

Boy - Sorry behen wrong number..