Jokes | चुटकुले

Teacher-How many planets are there?
Santa -
Mercury, Venus, Jupiter vagerah.
Teacher-
Aur batao?
Santa-
Aur bas sab badhiya!
Mata raani ki kripa.
Aap sunao...??

BF & GF dono hans rahe the tabhi BF achanak se chup ho jata h
GF:kya hua?
BF:kuch ni
GF:batao na kuch to hua?
BF:wo hanstey hanstey meri thodi si potti nikal gayi

Ek bar NARADJI ne kuch aisa dekha ki wo behosh ho gaye..

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Taakat pane k liye..

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Hanumanji 'RAJNIKANT CHALISA' padh rahe the.

Teacher-
Batao 'Ganga' kaha se nikalti h & kaha ja k Milti h?

Santa-
Sir Ganga School K Bahane Ghar se Nikal kar Mandir k Piche Kalu Se Milti H

Santa Walking On Road
Samne Gobar Pada Tha
Santa Ne Jhuk Kar Ungli Dal Kar Taste Kia Aur Bola:
Oh!
Ye To Gobar H,Shukr Hai Mera Pair Nai Pada

A nursry boy proposes a girl:
Boy-I LOVE U
Girl replies-Ek thappad marugi khichke
Boy rplies-MUKKA NAI KHAYEGI JAISE PHIR!
Badi aayi thappad marne wali..

Santa: 1 aurat ko ghurte hue ja raha tha,
Aurat:'dekhta kya h teri maa ki umar ki hu'
Santa: to mai bhi apne baap k liye hi dhund raha hu...!

santa ne college me ladki se i luv u kaha...ladki ne chanta mara or boli kya bola tu..santa -rote hue jab suna nahi to chanta kyun mara..

Ravan ne Shri Ram Ji se mafi mangne ka faisla kiya aur Ayodhya aa gaya.

Mehal ka darvaja knock kiya.

Ram Ji ne door khola.

Ravan soch raha tha...

Guess What ?
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Kis Mooh Se Maafi Maangu?

Girlfriend- Apke bina mera ZEE nahi lagta
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Santa- ZEE nahi lagta to isme kya hai SONY ya STAR PLUS laga lo wo bhi achhe channel hai...

Grl- ? mere piche apni Zindgi Barbad mt kr ?
Boy- ? Q? ?
Grl- ? is Raste pe Patthr or Kanto k Alwa kuch nhi ?

Boy- ? Are Pagli......... ? mere Pas WOODLAND k Shoes He na bs tu pat ja naa.......!! ?

Girl:- mera dil mobile or tum uski sim ho.

boy:- jaanu ek baat puchoo.

girl:-ha puchoo.
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boy:-tumhara mobile double sim wala to nahi hai na...

Sonu-Yaar,English Me 'Jhopdi' Ko Kya Kehte He

Monu-Hutt

Sonu-Abe,English Aati Nhi To Saaf Saaf Bol Na..hutt hutt kaya bol rahee..

Maa bete se: uth jaa kambakhat dekh sooraj kab ka nikal aaya hai
Beta: to kya hua amma wo sota bhi to mujh se pehle hai.

PLATFORM se ladki ne utar kar ladke se pucha ki konsa station he???

ladka: no. dogi to bataunga....

ladki: oh,ho mumbai aa gaya....

Dad: ek zamana tha jab main Rs 10/- mein kirana, sabzi, doodh, nashta le aata tha
Beta: ab aisa possible nahi papa kyunki sab jagah CCTV camere lage hote hain!.

Mummy : Tu Hamesha TV Kyun
Dekhta Rehta Hai.. ?
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Kid : To Kya Fridge Dekhu..Maa ????

Pappu salo k baad santa se mila..

Pata chala dono ki shadi ho gai hai..

Santa:- Kaisi hai teri biwi.

Pappu: Swarg ki apsara hai.,

Aur teri..????

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Santa:- Meri to abhi jinda hai.!!.;) :P

Kidnaper: Teri biwi mere
kabze me hai saboot ke taur par uski do ungliya bhijwa raha hoon
santa:sabut pakka nahi hai
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Mundi bhej mundi.

After breakup:-
Girl - Kamine maine jo wallet,watch, deo, tshrt, jeans, belts, shoes diye thae sab wapas kar !
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Boy-Tu petrol wapis kar
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.Girl - kya me apne janu se mazak bhi nahi kar shakti

Apni Girlfrnd ke samne dusri ladkiyo ko kaise dekhe?


Boy: Tum ne us ladki ko
dekha....Wo Kapde usko bilkul
suit nehi karte.....
Girl: Saale.... Tu toh
chahta hai k
ladkiyan kapde hi na
pehne !!

Moral: Ladki Ne Pehle Hi
Sprite Pee li thi

Teacher:
Batao cold drink Nuqsan Deti Hai Ya Faida?
Student:
Agr Koi Pila de To Faida,
Agr Pilani Parr Jaye To Nuqsaan;-)

SANTA: Rasgulle hai?

DUKANDAAR: Nahi,!

SANTA: Dekh lunga.

DUKANDAAR (Gusse me(: Kya dekh loge?

SANTA: Dusri dukaan me jakar dekh loonga!

Ek Baar Santa apni maa ka ilaaj karne ke liye hospital gaya..
Wahaan par Dr. ne kaha 2 test honge..
Santa rone laga to Dr. ne pucha kya hua.??
Santa bola- Meri maa to unpad hai...

Beta- Papa mujhe 180cc pulsar bike hi leni hai...
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Baap- beta tu 180cc pulsar le ya 350cc ki bulet, picha tune 100cc ki scooty ka hi karna hai....

hhahaa

1 Bikhari=Are dkho,kisi ne meri
cycle chura li or apni bike yaha
chor gaya.
2 Bikhari=
'tu to sach me lut gaya,ye to
petrol se chalti he.!

Harbhajan to Dhoni: Hum to Jaanbujh ke match haare.
Pata hai jeetnewali team ko jo Volkswagen mil rahi hai, woh petrol ki hai.. :

pati na kajre ki dhar na motiyo ki har na tumne kiya koi singaar fir bhi kitni sundar ho tum kitni sundar ho patni kamine saaf bol na ki mekup ke liye paise nahin dunga

Breaking News-Petrol prices up Rs by 7.50

Pump attendent - 'Kitne ka daloon ?' ! Car owner - '2-4 rupye ka car ke upar spray kar de bhai, jalana hai !!'

do baccho ki maa
teesri bar saadi kar rhi thi,
fero ke waqt chota baccha rone lga,
amma boli chup ho ja varna agli saadi me nahi le jaungi.

BF- ? Tum Muje___ kitna pyar____ krti ho ?

GF- ? Chaha H jise chaht se zyada___ ? Samja H jise khud se zyada_____ ? Bharosa H jispe______ ? sabse zyada______ ? Tu hi H wo 'HARAMZADA'

Ak aadmi dudh lane gaya aor bola
Rupu:- 5 kg dudh dena.
Ramu:-par tera katora to chota ha isma 5kg gaay ka dudh kase lega .
Rupu:-to thik ha bakri ka dudh de do.