Jokes | चुटकुले

Ek ladka-ladki hotel me gaye...

Waiter: Kya loge ?

Ladki: Sabji waali roti..

Waiter:What??

Ladka: Gaon ki hai,
Pizza maang rahi hai..

nglish Tcher:Btao ya kon sa tense he?

'Me Nach rha hu,
Tum Nach rhe ho,
Wo Nach rhi he..hm sb Nach rhe he,'

STUDENT:Sir ye
'MUJRA Continous Tense'he. . .

JADU Rajashtan Se Bhagta Huwa Aya Aur DC Office K Bahar AKar RukGya
Bolo Q



.



.



.


.



yar Wo Thak Gya Tha na
.Jaan le lo jadu kee

Effect of price rise of
petrol on dowry:
Lrki wali: wase aap shadi
me gold-silvr ke alawe
kaun c car lenge??
Lrke wale: na na in sb
chezo ki tnsn aap na
lo,aapki beti ke leye car
hm khrid denge,
bs aap petrol bhrwate
rehna!!!

Teacher: 1 Din aisa ayega jab prithvi pe pani nahi rahega,
Sab jeev nasht hojaynge
prithvi tabaah hojaygi.
Santa: madamji, us din tution ana hai kya?

ANTA at Microsoft for an Interview..
.
Interviewer : Which are the four version of Java .?
.
Santa : (1)Mar-Java, (2)Mit-Java, (3)Lut-Java, (4) Me Sadke-Java..
.
Interviewer : Aata tumhi Ghari-Java..

Shaadi ke baad pati ne pucha :

'Tumhare shadi se pehle kitne boyfrnd
the?'

Wife ne 1 lifafa dia,
jisme chawal k kuch dane aur 200 Rs. the.

Pati : Ye kya?

Wife : Mai jab bi boyfriend banati thi to 1 chawl ka dana isme dal deti thi.

Pati (Dane gin ke) Bus 7? Aur ye 200
Rs. Kyun?

Wife : 4 killo chawal bech diye...

Teacher: Tumhare papa kya karte hai?
Golu: Sir wo roz GALIYA khate hai

Teacher: Kya matlab?

Golu: Ji wo
CUSTOMER CARE EXCUTIVE hai.

Teacher in Class room: Hey Rahul, apne baaju wale ko utha.

Rahul: Tune sulaya hai tu hi utha. :-)

Thande Thande Pani Se Nahana Chahiye

Thande Thande Pani Se Nahana Chahiye
.
.
ACP-Daya,Hamein Uss Jagah Par Wapas Jaanaa Chahiye !

Dad- beta chhod de ye facebook ye tujhe roti nhi dene wali

boy- ha papa ye muze roti nhi dene wali
par roti bananewali degi

2 Pandito me ladai ho rahi thi bahut der ho gai-
toh tisre-pandit ne pucha kya hua?
toh 1 pandit bola jab me LEHSUN PYAZ nahi khata toh is sale ne chicken me dala kyu!

eng sir- golu y r u late
golu- sir meri car....
sir-golu speak in english
golu-my car was fussing in the kichad
no hilling
no dolling
only po paa karing.

Teacher-pyar ho jata hai ya fir krna padta hai.
Girl:ladka 'hasi ko fasi samajhta ho' toh krna padta hai.
Aur agar 'sandal ki keemat' janta ho toh ho jata hai!

Delivery ke waqt
Lady- God Ladka
Man- God Ladki
God- Shut Up
Dont Confuse Me
Varna aisa confuse item bana dunga ke
tum dono roage or wo tali bajayegae!

1st Girl :- Aaj Kal Ke Ladko Ka Koi Aitbar Nahi !!
Main To Ab Uska Mooh Be Nahi Dekhungi
_
_
2nd Girl :- Kyon Kya Hua, Tumne Usey Kisi Aur Ladki Ke Sath Dekh Liya ?
_
_
1st Girl :- Nahi Usne Mujhe Kisi Aur Ladke Ke Sath Dekh Liya Hai, Jab Ki Woh Kal Bol Raha Tha Ki Woh Out Of City Ja Raha Hai!!

Punjabi couple went 2 UK.

They went 2 a hotel

Punjabi to waiter: Sir, Most respectfuly I beg 2 say that I’m ill & cannot come 2 school,

there4 kindly grant me Tea for 2day.

Waiter brings tea.

Wife :Wah g wah. Tawanu ty far far English Aandi ay. Husband:Hally ty ma Pani wasty Thirsty Crow nai sunayi

Santa public toilet gaya to Diwar par likha tha.

'Duniya chand pe pahuch gayi aur

Tu yahan baitha hai.

Santa niche likh aaya..

'Bas tatti kar ke hum bhi nikal rahe hain'

BOY-ek ladki ko rose dete hue kaha YE RISTA KYA
KEHLATA HAI?
.
.
GIRL-pavitra rista
.
.
BOY-to Is pyar ko kya naam du?
.
.
.
.
GIRL- EK hazaro me meri behna hai

Wife:Soch rahi hun ap k
sath Dubai,UK ghoom
aaon kitney paise... lagen
ge?
Husband:kuch bhi nahi.
Wife:Wo kaise?
Husband:Sochne k paise
nahi lagtey

Gabar to Sambha

Gabar: Sambha Gande..

Sambha: Tu Ganda tera pura Khandaan Ganda Saale.

Gabar: Sambha!! Namakharam GUN-DE-GUN

Santa daku se- Oye meri bhen ka dupatta wapis kar.
daku bndook nikal k.. Kya baat hai?
santa- Kuch nhi bhai ji piko krwani thi...

Son: papa idhar aa..
.
.
.
.
Maa: beta aisa nhi bolte papa hai tmhare, izzat k sath bulate hai.
.
.
.
.
Son: papa izzat ke sath idhar aaja..

Raat ko sohar aur biwi soo rahe they. Ek dam se biwi ko sohar ki awaaz aayi, biwi uth kar sohar se poocha, “kya baat hai?”
Sohar ne bataaya, “ke meri kameez zameen par gir pari thi”
Biwi ne kaha ke, “toh itna shor kyun machaya”
Sohar bola, “ke uss kameez mein main bhi tha!!!”

Couple of Engineering college:-

Girl: You dnt love me na??

Boy huged her tightly & said silently.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
'dekh abhi SUBMITION chal rahe he dimag kharab mat kar...

Purane students ki Gathering mein teacher ne puchha,

'School mein aapka koi Kadva Anubhav?'

Ek student bola,

Me aur meri wife isi school mein mile the!

bf drinking
Whiskey with her girlfriend..
Asks him-tum kaun ho........??
girlfriend-pgal ho gaye ho kya
Apne jaanu ko bhool gye ..
.
.
.
.
boyfriend- nasha har gum ko bhula deta hai..
Bahan
gf shocked, bf rocked..

SIR- Samaj tujhe 10 laddu diye..
Boy- Mujhe..??
SIR- Samaj na tere baap ka kya jata hai..!
... ... ...
Us main se 5 mujhe diye to tere paas kitne bache..?
Boy-20..!
SIR- Kaise..?
Boy- samaj na tere baap ka kya jata hai..!!

Teacher-Tum Ro Q Rahe Ho?
Ladka-Meri Mummy Mere Papa Ko Kutta Kehti Hai
Aur Papa Unko Billi,
Mujhe Samajh Nahi Aata Ki Main Pilla Hu
Ya Billa

1 aadmi chabi se apna kaan khujla raha tha.
Santa use gor se dekh raha tha, kuch der baad bola
bhai saab agar aap start nahi ho rahe ho to dhakka lga du

Ek topi bechne wala paed k niche aaram kr rha tha...k achanak kuch bndar uski topiyan utha kr le gye..
use ek dum apne dada ji ki sunayi kahani yad ayi or usne apni 1 topi utha kr phenk di..
.
1monky aya or ek THAPPAD mar kr bola
.
'Saale tu kya sochta hai hamara dada hame kahani nhi suna k gye kya

Boy-Hi darling kaisi h?
Girl-Kon?
Boy-Tera aashiq hu Jaan!
Grl-Tu Bunty h?
Boy-Ha tuje kaise pta?
Grl-Tu Bansi Lal ka ladka h?
Boy-Ha par kaise pta?
Grl-Tu Ram Lal ka pota hi h na?
Boy-Ha ha par kaise pta chala

Grl-Haramzade me teri behen hu, Ghar pe phone ghuma diya tune
Tu ghar aa fir btati hu