Jokes | चुटकुले

Boyfriend: Mujhe Maaf Kar Do
Maine Tumse Chupaya.Meri Mangni Ho Chuki Hai
Girlfriend:
... ...
Aray Koi Baat Nahi
Chalo ao Aaj Main Tumhe Apne Bachon Se Milwati Hun.....

Santa k marne k baad 62 yamdoot aaye,
2 yamdoot sawal puch rahe the
Aur baki k 60 yamdoot,
.
.
.
.
santa ko sawal samjha rahe the.

Biwi ne shohar ko phone kiya: kahan hain aap?
Shohar: tumhain who jewelry shop yaad hai jahan tumhain ek diamond ka set pasand aya tha?
Biwi (khush hote huye): Han han mujhe yaad hai.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Shohar: Mein us ke sath wali shop mein baal katwa raha hun..

Teacher santa se Koi aisa sentence bnao jis me
'MAGAR' 2 bar istemaal hua ho,
santa:-
'Wo Mere aage chal rahi thi or main us k,
MAGAR MAGAR'
:-)

Kid:can i go to toilet?
Teacher: (correcting)
may i go to the toilet ?
Kid: chup chap baithi reh jyada chalak na ban pehle main jaunga

Nirmal Baba:- gagan Ke SMS jab aate hai tab dyan se Padhte ho..?
Bhakt : Haan, Baba ji..
Baba :Vapas Reply Karte ho..?
Bhakt : Nahi Baba ji..
Baba :Tabhi to 'KIRPA' ruki hui hai, Reply kiya Karo, kirpa ayegi Karodpati ban jaoge, jese m ban gya.

Ek_Aurat faSt
Chalti train me
Chadi to logo ne
Kaha: 'Kamaal ki
Aurat hai..!'
tO Aurat ne
Kaha: 'Kamaal tO
mera devar
Hy
me tO Jamaal ki
Aurat hu

Bhakt: He Bhagwaan kya aap meri sharaab chudwa sakte ho?
Bhagwaan : Kyu nahi beta.
Bhakt: To meri 12 botal scotch Goa Police ne japt ki hai, wo chudwa do..

Dad: beta 5 k bad kya ata h?
Son-6,7
Dad:wah mera briliant beta
Or 6,7 k bad?
Son-8,9,10
Dad-kya bat hai beta wah, aur uske bad?
Son-gulam,begum,badshah:

A kanjus boy fall in love wid kanjus girl,
Girl:- jab DAD so jaynge to mei gali me sikka phaink dungi tum foran andr aa jana,
Lakin boy 1 ghante baad aya...
Girl:-itni der kyo lga di.
Boy:-mai sika dhund rha tha
Girl:- pagal vo toh meine dhaga bandh k phenka tha

Boy-Hi darling kaisi h?
Girl-Kon?
Boy-Tera aashiq hu Jaan!
Grl-Tu Bunty h?
Boy-Ha tuje kaise pta?
Grl-Tu Bansi Lal ka ladka h?
Boy-Ha par kaise pta?
Grl-Tu Ram Lal ka pota hi h na?
Boy-Ha ha par kaise pta chala

Grl-Haramzade me teri behen hu, Ghar pe phone ghuma diya tune
Tu ghar aa fir btati hu..

Fakeer:Maaji Bhukha Hu, Khuda Ke Naam pe Khana De Do
Maaji:Khana Abhi Nahi Paka
Fakeer:FaceBook Pe RAHIM CHACHA k Naam Se Hu
Pak Jaye To update kar dena..;)

Teacher: Name a device which turns your thoughts into speech.
.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Santa: Daaruu madam ji (Alcohol) ............:-)

Gujarati wife : Shahjahan ne Mumtaz ki yaad me TAJMAHAL BANaya,
aap mere marne k baad kya BANdhyege..??
!
!
Husband: Manju mausi ka tiffin

Santa: Mujhe Patni Ka Hath Bantana Hai
Chutti Chahiye.
Boss: Nahi Milegi.
Santa: Shukriya,Janta Tha Musibat Ki Samay Aap Hi Madad Karenge.

Boy:Hame mile abi 3 din hue he aur tumne shaadi ka faisla b kar liya!
GirL:Main us Bank me 3 saal se hu jisme tumara A/C hai.!

Sense Of Responsibility:
A man goes in Library
& asks Librarian
for a book on 'Suicide' ..
.
.
.
Librarian:
O Bhaisaab ! Vapis kon dene aayega??

Hanuman-Bhagwan ab me dharti par nhi reh sakta..
God-Q.?
Hnuman-Pehle log lait kar matha tekte the
fir thoda sa juk kar matha tekne lage.. MAI fir b khush tha.. lekin ab to ghor kalyug aa gaya hai GOD-kya hua? Aaj mandir me ek ladki aayi aur haath hila kar boli-'HI,HANNU;-)

Policeman to santa. Sab kuch bata warna chaddi utar ke peetunga.
.
.
.
.
.
Santa: Oji chori maine ki hay aap ku chaddi utaro ge

If You Pass In Exam:
Mom: Ktni Khushi Ki Baat Hai
Dad:Mera Beta Sher Hai
Lover:So Sweeeet
&
Friends:Kutte! Kamine! Zalil! Tu Ne Itna Kb Padha

Santa K Bete Ki Roti Par Se Chooha Guzar Gaya
Son: Mujhe ye Roti Nahi Khani
Santa: Kha Le Putar
ChOOhe Ne kaun si chapal pehan rkhi thi.

Plumber Ne Pipe Naya Lagane K Baad 1000/Rs Bill Diya
Sonu- Itna To Mai Engineer Ho K B Nhi Kamata
P- Mai B Nahi Kamata Tha Jab Engineer Tha

Santa Qabristan Me Charas Pi Raha Tha

Police=Kya Kar Rahe Ho ?

Santa=Abbu K Liye Dua,

Police=Ye To Bachche Ki Qabr Hai

Santa=Abbu Bachpan Me Hi Mar Gaye The.

GOLU Bache Ki Report Lene Hospital Gya
Report Bohat Kharab Thi
GOLU Bache Se Bola 'Oy School Te School
Tenu Ethey V Meri Izat Da Koi Kheyal Nai

Boy=Mere sath chalogi jaan.
Girl=Kidhar?
Boy=Aap jidhar bole udhar.
Girl=Shopping krne chalte hai.
Boy=kasam se didi aapse to mazaak karna bhi Bekaar hai

SANTA:jis LADKi ko tune SWiMMiNG POOL mein DOOBNE se BACHAYA,usne FANDA Laga kar KHUDKHUSHi kar Li.
BANTA:us LADKi ko to maine SUKHANE ke Liye LATKAYA tha.

Snta Clas Me Hans Raha Tha
1ladki Boli STaND UP Kaun Ho Tum


Snta:Tum Kon Ho?
Ladki:Me MONITOR Hu
Snta: TeRE Din Gye pagli ab laptop or LCD ka zamana hai...

Santa Road par pada tha
Policeman-Itni Q pee rakhi hai?
Santa- Mazburi thi
Police- Kya mazburi thi?
Santa- Botal ka dhakkan gum ho gaya tha.

Santa:Wow .. u look so perfect
with incredible body and flower
like skin.. what do you use ?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Banta:Adobe Photoshop CS5!

Santa: Banta Bata
Ranveer Kapoor Or Petrol Me Kya Samanta Hai?
No Ans By Banta!.
Santa: Abey! Dono Ke Hi Rate Bina Matlab Ke Badh Rahe He

Santa teacher ne exam ke liye Que. Paper banaya..
Paper dekhte hi saare bachche behosh ho gaye ..Question.
1. China kis Desh me hai ?
2. 15 Aug kis D luv u 2.ate ko Aati hai ?
3. Green Rang kis Colour ka Hota hai ?
4. Tamatar ko Hindi may kya Bolte hai ?
5. Mumtaz ki Qabar main Kaun Dafan hai ?

Wife:Dekho na mujhe wo admi ghoor-ghoor ke dekh raha hai.
Husband:Are wo to bhangarwala hai.
Bekar maal par nazar rkhna uski aadat ha.