Jokes | चुटकुले

Patient: Mjhe bemari hai. Na khaoon tu bhook lagti
hai,
Na soo tu Neend aati hai, Ziada kaam kr k thak jaata
hoon.

Doctor: Saari Raat Dhoop mai betho Theek hojaogay.

Ajeet: Raabutt, use TNT se uda do !
Robert: Lekin Boss, TNT kyon, dynamite kyon nahin ?
Ajeet: Bevokoof, is-se yeh NTT se nan-NTT ban jayega

Robert: Iska kya kare Boss?
AJIT: Robert is ko liquid oxygen may daal do ! Liquid issay jeenay nahi day gaa, oxygen issay marnay nahi day gaa!

KBC ME SHARUKH NE MUJH SE PUCHA.’WORLD KA SABSE BADA ULLU KON HAI? MENE 1 CRORE RS. THUKRA DIYE, LEKIN TERA NAAM NAHI BATAYA!

hamara chand hamare hi hantho kho gaya ……..
ab to naa hame uski yaad hai………….
naa woh hame yaad karta hai…………..
ab woh hamara nahi kisi aur ka ho gay

Scene - Robert gets a sidey to Ajit.)
Robert: Boss, humne sidey ko pakad liya
AJIT: Ise maar ke pulees station ke saamne rakh do. Aur iske badan par ek sui chubha do.
Robert: Par sui kyon, boss!
AJIT: Bewakoof! Pulees yeh samjhegi ki sui-cide hua hai!

AJIT: “Robert, Harshad Mehta the Bull ka stool test karaao”
“Kyon boss?”
“Pata to chale akhir ye Bullshit kya hota hai”

Robert: Boss , Sona kahan hai ? ( Where is the Gold ? )
AJIT: Kahin par bhi so jao Robert !!

(Scene - Ajit get’s hold of his favourite hero & then directs his chela.)
AJIT: Maikal, Is saale ke ek haath mein laal aur doosre haath mein hara rang laga do.
Maikal: Lekin kyon baas?
AJIT: Bewakoof, itnaa bhi nahin jaanta? Jab pulice yehaan aayegi to ise range haathon pakad legi. he he he

Robert: Boss, mere teen bacche hue. Unko kya naam doon?
AJIT: Ek ka naam rakhna Peter, doosre ka Maikal,
aur teesre ka Cha Ling Chu.
Robert: Par Cha Ling Chu kyoon?
AJIT: Bewakoof, duniya ka har teesra bacchaa Chinese hota hai

gita me likha hai
.
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.
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are yaha nahi gita me likha hai

AJIT: Robert, Test Match mein kyaa ho raha hai ?
Robert: Boss, Vivian Richards chhakke pe chhakke maar raha hai.
Ajit: Saaleh ko sabak sikhana padega.
Lunch break mein usse phone milana.
Robert: Yes Boss.
AJIT: (on phone, to Richards): Veeveeyun Reechards,
tumhari Maa hamare kabze mein hai …….

Boss: Raabert!
Robert: Yes, Boss
Boss: Yeh “bus” mein kuch hawa daal do.
Robert: Lekin, kyon bass?
Boss: Yeh bus “Airbus” ban jayegi

Maikal: Boss, yeh aadmi to kuch bol hi nahin raha hai. Kya karen ?
Ajit: Ise revaalving chair mein daal do.Pata chal jaayega chakkar kya hai.

Scene - Ajit ordering his chela to kill the enemy.)
AJIT: “Robert, Isss Haramzaade ko social security pe daal do.
Saale ko Society jeene nahin degi aur security marne nahin deg

1 INDIAN FUJI APNI MAAN KO 1965 KAY JANG KI GOLA BARI KAY BARAY MAIN BATA RAHA THA TU US KI MAAN BOLI BETA TUM BHAG KAR DARAKHT (TREE) PAR CHAR JATAY TU FUJI BOLA AMAAN DARAKHT PEHLAY HI OFFICERS KAY LEAY KAM PAR GAEE THAY

AIK POLICE INSPECTER APNI BARAT WALI CAR MAIN BETHA LARKI WALOON KI TARAF JARAHA THA PECHAY BARATIAN KI BUS ARAHEE THE .................... POLICE INSPECTER NAY APNAY SATHI KO CALL KAR KAY KAHA KAY AIK BUS HUMARA BARI DAIR SAY PECHA KAR RAHEE HAY ISAY ROOK KAY CHECK KAROO

Bob: Boss, mission par kaise jaaoon, mujhe headek ho raha hai.
AJIT:Bewakoof………Abe head ek ho ya do, kaam to karna hi padegaa.!

AJIT: Mona daarrling, tum Toni ke saath ghuumna band kar do,
Mona: Lekin kyon Boss?
AJIT: Bahut MonaToni ho jayegee…

Scene - Ajit thoroughly disgusted with Mona daaa..arrling’s typing.)
AJIT: Raaberrt, Mona ke dono hathon ko kaat do.
Robert: Magar kyoon boss ?
AJIT: Typing to nahi atee, kamsekam shaarthand to seekh legi.

Two boys ko 3 live Bomb milte hai… Wo un bombs ko police ko dene Jate hai……..
(raste mein… )
First boy: agar koi bomb raste mehi phat jaye to???
Second boy: jhoot bol denge ke 2 hi mile the .

AJIT: Robert, in kutton ke saamne yeh Compooter laga do aur
debugger istarrt kar do.
Robert: Lekin kyoon, boss?
AJIT: Saale Checkpoint mein atak jayenge.

Scene - Ajit ordering his chela to kill the enemy.)
AJIT: “Robert, Ise varnish mein daal do,
saala mar bhi jaayega aur finish bhi ho jaayega.

Asmanme panchi ud raha he furrrrr furrrrr
Asmanme panchi ud raha he furrrrr furrrrr
Asmanme panchi ud raha he furrrrr furrrrr
arey ashman me ud rahahe
to idhar kya dhund rahe ho ashmanme dekhona
ullu………..

Joke in 1 word-
hindu

joke in 2 words- hindu pandit

joke in 3 words- hindu playing chess !

joke in 4 words- hindu playing with donkey!

hindu-Papa jaldi-2 mera viya kra deo nahi ta main DAADI nal viya kra lavanga.FATHER:oye tu meri MAA nal viya krayenga.!Srdar:-kyo tusi meri MAA nal ni krayea

Young pandit ji use to go college with his monkey called hanumaan. After few years he had to go alone..Why? becauce the monkey graduated

Ek Sharabi Nashe men Tun hokar jarha tha to peche se ek Tange wala Aya, us ne kaha, hat jao hat jao, Sharabi hat gaya or side per ek ghar k darwazey k sahare khara hogaya, wahan us ko neend aa gae. subha ghar k malik ne darwaza khola to sharabi neche gir gaya, aor chilatey howey bola, yar itna to side deya tha, phir bhee takar mar di.

Ek jungle mein chuhay se sab dartey the,
agar sher us k samnay aa jata to dar kar bhaag jaata,
haathi bhi kahin chup jata,
aas paas k log yeh dekh kar preshaan huay or kaha aakhir kia maajra hai,
pata chala chuha MQM mein tha

Teacher: batao Gandhi jee kaise paida huye?
Boy: Indian govt says 'I.S.I is fully involved in dis tragedy'.Kehti hai'I.S.I na banti Gandhi jee ka janm na hota'

Girl to boy: u will try to kiss me, mien shoor macha dongi,
Boy: Lakin yaha tu door door tak koi nahien hay.
Girl: i know but formilty tu karni hi pare gi

aik larki darzi ki dukan pa jati hai aur pochti hai, G yah galay miltay hain?
Darzi: waisay galay miltay tou nahi hain laykin ap kahti hain tou mil laytay hain.