dialogues for cast:

Duniya mein teen cheezen hoti zaroor hai lekin kisi ne dekhi nahin ... bhooton ka sansar, sacha wala pyar aur Bahattar Singh ki raftaar

Joker pehle bhi kisi rang ka hissa nahi tha ... aage bhi nahi hoga ... joker apne hi rang mein rangega

Joker jiska hua ... baazi uski

Jin sar pe ho Waheguru ji ka haath ... woh banate hai London ko Dhobi Ghat

Aasmaan se gire aur khajuraho mein atke

Yeh mera baap hai ... aur main iska paap hoon

Ek chumma tu mujhko udhar dede ... badle mein Middlesex Trafalgar Square lele

Langoors have my angoors

Kyun thak re ho?

Mardo ka toh nature yeh hai ... ki unhe bachche joh hai, woh apne achche lagte hai ... aur biwiyan dosro ki achchi lagti hai

Mard chahe jitne bhi chakkar chala le chalta hai ... lekin jab biwi ka chakkar chalta hai na ... toh hamare joh mard hai woh chakkar khake gir jaate hai

Music joh hai na woh haatho se nahi ... dil se bajhta hai

Shaadi ho gayi hai phir bhi boondiyan loot raha hai saala

Aaisa kyun hota hai ki hum jisse sabse zyada pyar karte hai ... dukh bhi hum sabse zyada us hi ko dete hai

Bachche apni maa se kuch chupa nahi sakte

Aadmi ki shakal achchi na ho na ... toh baatein achchi kiya karte hai

Ughta hua suraj aur bhaagta hua tees maar khan ... dono kabhi kisi ke haath nahi aate

Tube se nikla hua toothpaste ... aur tees maar khan ki diyi hui zubaan ... kabhi wapas nahi jaati

Kutte ke mooh se haddi ... aur tees maar khan ki noton ki gaddi ... dono cheenana bekaar hai

Tawaif ki lutti izzat bachana ... aur tees maar khan ko qaid karna ... dono bekaar hai

Textbook se copy karta hua student ... aur tees maar khan ke bheje se nikla hua plan ... kabhi fail nahi ho sakta

Is desh ka sabse bada shraap hai bureaucracy

America mein jao toh American milenge, Germany mein jao toh German milenge, France mein jao toh aapko Frenchmen milenge, England mein jao toh Englishmen milenge ... aur India mein jao toh aapko milenge Marathi, Gujarati, Punjabi, Malayali, Bengali ... Indian kahan hai?

Aadmi ki shakal achchi na ho na ... toh bhagwan kehta hai baatein achchi karni chahiye

Jis jhoot se ghar basta hai ... woh ghar, ghar nahi hota

Kitni baar kaha hai car saaf karte waqt ... bekaar logon se baatein mat kiya kar

Logon ke yahan Laajvanti, Gunvanti, Bhagvanti aati hai ... mere yahan Kharchvanti aa gayi hai

Mai marr bhi jaoonga lekin yeh gullu gullu nahi karoonga Mala ke saath

Awaaz neeche!

Haath toh lagake dekhaoo tum mujhe ... mere saare lawyers tumko haath lagayenge sab jagah

Kar jaye aisi ki taisi ... yeh kambakht ishq cheez hai hi aisi

Dene waala jab bhi deta hai ... sab kuch phad deta hai