Jokes | चुटकुले

1st woman-kuchh suna ya nahi bharat ne hindustan par hamla kar diya h
2nd woman- hame dar h ki kahin ek missile mere pe na gir jaye
3rd woman-tum sab fikra kyu karti ho hum to india me rahte hai na...

Boy: Suno jara !


GIRL: Chup raho, Khate time baat nahi karte,



Khane k baad


Ladki: Ab bolo

Boy: Teri plate me cockroch tha,
Le aur ban Heroine.

GirL to another girl: 'You are beautiful''
Other girl: 'Thank you, you are beautiful too'
&
BOY to another boy: 'You are handsome'
Other boy: 'Tu Gay to nahi hai na saale?'

Boy sends friend request to Girl
on Facebook :-
Girl :- Kaunn ho tum ?
Boy :- Hasrat tumhari .......
Girl :- Chahte kya ho ?
Boy : Mohhabat tumhari ...... ...
Girl:- Pachtaoge tum ..........
Boy :- Kismat hamari .........
Girl :- Married hoon main ......
Boy: To Status single se hata
Manhoos Naari .

Jyotishi-Tera nam Santa h
Santa-Ji
Jotis-Tere 1 Ladka h, Tune abi 5kg Gehu kharida h.
Santa-Tusi to Antryami ho
Jotis-Gadhe, agli bar Kundli lana
RashanCard nhi

Boy-Tu kitne baje uthti h?

Girl-Apna koi time nhi
jab dil kare so jati hu,
aur jab dil kare uth jati hu..

Boy-notty!
Tu bilkul mere 'kutte' pe gayi hai..;-)

Do ladies ko 20 saal ki saza mili
20 saal baad jail me guzarne k baad
Jb Dono Riha Hui To DoNo nE Muskurate huE kaha
.
Chalo ab baaqi baten ghar pahunch kr kartey hain....

Boy Ne ek
Girl Ko
Propose Kia....
Girl Ne Mana Kar Diya.... .
.
. .
Boy : i'll wait ..
.
.
.
30 Din tak Tere Ghar k Niche Khada Rahunga.. . .
.
30th Din k baad Girl Boli -I Love u.... . .
.
.
Boy : .
.
.
.
.
Rehne De !! Ab Teri Padosan
Set Ho Gayi Hai.....!!!

A little Boy says to a Girl:
:I LOVE U:
.
.
.
But
she says k wo kisi or ko chati hai.
.
.
the little boy looks down in sad
mood..
&
After few seconds looks up..
&
eyes Filled with tears and emotes
all his feeling by saying just a
single & most beautiful word ever:
.
.
.
.
.
KAmIniii

Pathan: Tum 1 Bar Me Kitny Admi Utha Skty Ho
Pehalwan: Kam Se Kam 10
Pathan: Basss!
Tum Se Acha To Hmara Murgha Hy Jo Subah Pury Mohally Ko Utha Deta Hy.

Wife ne santa ko SMS kiya
Kitni der me Aa rhe ho?

santa ne Jawab me SMS kiya

20-25 mint me Aa rha hu,

Agr Der ho jaye to ye

SMS fir se Padh lena

1 Bhakt Ashram Me Jake SwamiG Se-SwamiG Mera Puja Me Mann Nai Lagta! Kya Karu? Swami:Us Puja Ko Mere Pass Bhejo Shayad Mera Man Lag jae!

Doctor: aapki bv ab sirf 2 dino ki mehmaan hai, Im so sorry!!
Santa: isme sorry ki koi baat nahi hai dr. sahab, nikal hi lenge ye 2 din jaise taise.

Bf on call- Hey Swtheart Kya Kr Rahi Ho. . ?
.
.
.
Gf Meri Tabiyat Kharaab H Janu,
Sone Ja Rahi Hu or
Tum . ? .
.

Bf- Me Cinema Hall Me Tere Piche Baitha hu
KAMINI . .

ANNA HAZARE ko dhekh kr 4 Yrs ka Baccha bola- Koi inhe rok lo Nhi to meri HISTORY me 1 chapter or add ho jyega. BAWAL YE KR K JAYENGE SAWAL HUMSE PUCHHE JAYENGE

Papa:- Beti bari ho kar kya karo gi?
.
.
.
Beti:- Shaadi.
.
.
.
Papa:- Galat baat hai,
.
.
.
.
.
abhi se kisi ka bura nahi sochte...

JSK

Girl- mere b'day par bahut costly gift dena.
Boy-ok.

on the b'day.....
Boy- your gift....
Girl- how sweet!!!!!:):).
.
.
.
is mein kya hai.............?????

Boy- petrol mein tale paneer ke
pakore...!!!!!

Boy (politely): hi...

Girl (showing atitude): do I know u?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Boy (in cool tone): nahi re pagli. Teri itni aukaat kaha.

Girl: McDonald’s chale...?
Boy: Spelling bolo to hi jayenge.
.
Girl: 1 kam karo KFC chalte h...
Boy: KFC ka Fullform bolo
.
Girl: Rehne de kamine, samosa hi khila de....

Ek Shrabi Ka Court Mein Case Chal Raha Tha.
Judge ne kaha “ORDER ORDER”

Shrabi Replied:
“Ek CHILLI CHICKEN, One ROYAL STAG with SODA”
Jaldi le aao…

Gabbar:Thakur ye mobile humko de de
.
.
Thakur:Dekh yr hath-pair ka mazak thik h,
mobile se majak masti nhi,
facebok chalu h or Bsnti online he. . !

Aurangazeb: Senapati batao ki
hum Shivaji ko kyu nahi dhund pa rahe hain??

Senapati: kyoki Maharaj ham Mugal hai Google Nahi

Platform Par Saaman Ke Dher Ke Sath
Baitha Dekh Kuli Ne Puchha-
Madam..Coolie Chahiye?
Mahila-
Nahi Mere PATI Hain Mere Sath.!!

Toofani Raat.

Girl: Come on dear get in to my umbrella.
Boy: Its ok sister thanx &
runs away..

Moral: Moral woral kuch nahi.
Ladki k paon ulte the..

Boy: JAAN Tumhara naam hath pe likhu k dil pe
Gal:Idhar udhar kaha likhte ho Agar sacha pyar krte ho to sedhe apne proprty k paper pe likho.

Boy 2 othr boy-Dude, y u proposed dat girl, she already has a bf.
.
.
Awsm reply by d boy
Bhai JAB TAK LADKI KAWARI
NA TUMHARI NA HAMARI

santa ne apni bhabhi ko khub mara
logo n pucha q?
santa-yaar , mai jis se bhi puchta hu ki tum phone pe kis se baat kar rahe ho?
har koi kehta h teri bhabhi se..........

Santa ke lips jale hue the
Banta: Kaise jale
Santa: Wife ko railway steation drop krne gaya tha.
Banta: To?
Santa: Khushi ke mare.
Train ke engine ko choom liya :*

HoSpital me sare Pagal Ro Rahe te
1 Pagal Chupchup Soya tha.Doctor N Pucha-Tum Q Shanti se Soye ho?
Pagal-Bewakuf,mai mar chuka hu Isliye to sab Ro rhe hai..

GITA UPDESH- mobile nirjiv hai SIM iski aatma hai, SMS wo Gyan hai jo batane se badta hai, ISLIYE hey prani Balance ki moh maya Tyagkar Nirantar SMS karo.......kanjoosi choodo !

Dard bhari kahani

Garib ka beta:
Maa mene sapna dekha ke mera 1 pair
zameen par aur dusra aasman mein..

Maa: Is tarah ke sapne mat dekha kar,
ek hi chaddi hai wo bhi phat jayegi..

Boy: Aap ka Mobile No. kya He?
.
Girl: Shut Up! (1st Drink then Think )
.
.
.Boy: Ap Apna Mobile No. De dain, Mujhe Check Karna He 500 Ka recharge Ma Kitna Balnace Aata He!

Girl: How Sweet!!
Ye lo..