Jokes | चुटकुले

Teacher:-bachcho kabhi sharab mat peena,jhooth mat bolna,kabhi nonveg mat khana,kabhi ladki ko mat chhedna.aur apne desh ke liye jaan de dena.
Ek bachcha:-de denge sir,sala aisi zindagi se to marna achcha hai.

Ek aadmi librarian se:-mujhe aatmhatya karni hai.kya aap mujhe aatmhatya per koi achchi book de sakte hain.
Librarian:-nahin bilkul nahin,mujhe pata hai aap mujhe wo wapas nahin denge.

Ek ladka ek ladki ke saath baitha tha,
doosre din doosri ladki ke saath baitha tha,
teesre din teesri ladki ke saath baitha tha…
is kahani se shiksha milti hai:-ladkiyan badal jaati hain,ladke nahin.

Saahukaar:-tumne apne udhaar ke paise abhi tak nahin wapas kiye…
chalo mamla beech main suljha lete hai…
tumhare udhaar ka aadha paisa main bhoolne ke liye taiyaar hoon..
Karzdaar:-manzoor:-baaki aadha main bhoolne ko taiyaar hoon.

Maalik:-are raamu aaj tumne roti main kitna saare ghee laga diya..
Naukar:-are saahab maaf karna shayad galti se maine apni roti aapko de di hai,

Teacher- Bataao bachcho jo galat kaam karte hain wo kaha jate hain??
Student- sharmate huye bola sir..
Manuabhaan tekri, EKAANT park, Chinar park, MAYUR park...

College ke first day; Ladka: Tumhara naam kya hai? Ladki: Mujhe sab didi kehte hai.. Ladka: WOW MUJHE SAB JIJAJI KEHTE HAIN!

Teacher:-MotorCycle k Kitne Tyers Hote hai?
Smart Santa:- 6 Tyre
Teacher(Gusse se): How?
Santa:- 4 Motor k 2 Cycle k!G.M.

Chota baby- mummy raat ko jab me susu karne gaya to bathroom
Ki light jal gayi,
Mummy- haramjade tu aaj fir freeze me susu kar aaya…!!

ek aadmi ke paas uske doctor ka phone aaya.
Docor ne kaha, “Mere pass tumhe sunane ke liye ek achchi khabar hai,
aur ek buri khabar hai.pahle kya sunoge?”
aadmi bola, “pahle mujhe achchi khabar suna do.”
Doctor bola, “good news hai ki tumhe marne me 24 ghante baaki hain.”
Aadmi bola, “oh no, aur buri khabar kya hai?”
Doctor bola,”buri khabar ye hai ki ye khabar sunanae ke liye
main tumhe kal phone karna bhool gaya.”

ek baar aadmi ne bhagwan se kaha,
“aapne aurat ko itna sundar kyon banaya hai?”
Bhagwan bole,”taki tum unse pyaar kar sako.”
Aadmi bola, “ to phir unhe itna bevkoof kyon banaya hai?”
bhagwan ne jawab diya, “taki wo tumse pyaar kar sake.”

Ek naye teacher ne ek bachche se poocha, “is pakshi ke pair dekho aur iska naam batao.
” Bachche ne kaha, “ pata nahin.” Teacher ne kaha, “ Tum fail ho gaye,batao tumhara naam batao.
” Bachche ne kaha “Mere pair dekho aur naam batao”.

Ek aadmi bhagwaan se bola, “india se usa tak pakki sadak banwa dijiye.”
Bhagwan bole, “mushkil hai kuch aur maang lo.” Aadmi bola,
“To phir aap meri biwi ko samajhdaar aur aagyakari bana dijiye.”
Bhagwan bole, “sadak single banana hai ya double.”

Ek murgi market gayi, aur dukaandar se boli, “ek anda dena.”
Dukaandar bola, “sharm nahin aati, murgi hokar anda mangti ho.”
Murgi boli, “mere pati ne kaha hai ki 3 rupyee ke ande ke liye
apna figure kharab mat karo.”

Khud ko kar kanjoos itna ki..
har sms bhejne se pehle,
SERVICE CENTER wale khud call kar k puche..
Bata sach me bhejna he ya galti se sent ho gaya tha.

Raja or Rani ne fix kiya ki ab baat Mobile se nhi Kabutar se karenge.1 din Rani ne bina khat k kabutar uda diya.Raja bola:
Ye kya?
Rani boli miss call yaar.

Love Aur Arrange Marriage Me Kya Faraq He
Love Marriage Me Aap Apni Girlfriend Se Shadi Karte Hai
Aur
Arrange Marriage Me
Kisi Aur Ki ;-)

Baith kar apni mehbuba ki zulfo k saye me aisa josh aaya,
wah wah!
Phir..
phir..
Usk Papa ne dekh liya aur I.C.U. me hosh aaya.

MAA-Beta Apple Khaoge,
BETA-Nahi
MAA-Beta Mengo Khaoge,
BETA-Nahi
MAA-Beta Orange Khaoge,
BETA-Nahi
MAA-Bilkul Baap Par Gaya Hai,
Chappal Hi Khayega.

Beta: Papa apki shaadi ho gayi?
Papa: Haan.
Beta: Kis se hui?
Papa: Bewkuf teri mummy se..
Beta: Wah papa ghar me hi setting kar li.

Man: Bed majbut banana, Mere BETE ko BAHU k sath sona hai.
Mistri: Aisa Majbut Bed banaunga SARA MOHALLA BAHU k sath SOEGA to bhi nahi tutega..!

Husband ek rat kagaj mein likh kar rakha 7 am par mujhe jara dak dena
Wife woh dekh kar likha: already 7am. Baj gaya.

Swami: basar rat mein uski wife ko 100 rs. De kar sorry bola, mujhe bhul ho gaye, sab samay deta hu to habit ho gaya.
Patni: tum to mujhko rupee de rahe ho, mein to mere cousin ko free dia.

Ek din ek busstand me vul kar yatri log gaitlok samajh kar
Local gari me uth gaya, gari to rukh rukh kar jata hay
Yatri:keya hua bhai gari to rukh rukh kar jata hay kiu?
Helper: yeh to local hai..
Yatri: local aur gatelock yeh to tum log dega us lie yatri log samassa mein parega kiun?

Patni:meine Babaki ghar mein kitni sukhi tha,tumare ghar a kar meri jiban ses ho gaya.

Pati: keyaa hua?

Patni:keyaa nahi hua? Tumhre pas meine ek diamond ki neckless chaha magar tumhare iss month par pocket khali…

Patni:tumhare paas koi arman pesh kar gaya to tum bola paysa nahi hai.

Pati:keyaa nahi di tumko? To jo tumko dena parega uski paas jao na.

Pati:mehman ko khana dia magar chamach kiu nahi dia?

Patni:voi paa karke.

Pati:kasko voi pa kar.

Patni:usko chamach hai ye jodi samajh jayee iss lyee.

Pati:kaha ja rahe ho?

Patni: Jahannam par.

Pati: Thank you,jao.

Bibi:jiban par maine koi punno kia tha us liee tumhare tarah pati mila.
Swami:aur mere liee wo paap ki sasti hai

Bibi:kyeaa hua tumko aj bohot khus najar a raha hai?
Pappu:nahi kuch nahi. Tum bahar ja rahe ho iss lyee
Bibi: uss lyee tumhare khus hone se kyeaa irada hai.
Pappu: meri ek dawat hai meine vi uha jaunga. Tum agar bahar jaoge tab maine bahar jane parunga na!!!

Beta papa ko pucha: papa sadi kana ma kitna kharch hota hai
Papa na bola : mujee pata nahi hay beta !
May abibhi uska lia pay karta hoo .

Wife: Ma bachunga nahi Marr jaongi...

Husband : Mein bhi Marr jaon ga!

Wife : Mein to Bimaar hoon isleya marr jaungi tum kyon maro gaey ?

Husband : Mein itni Khushi Bardasht nahi kar sakta !