Jokes | चुटकुले

Ladki ki baba: to tum meri jamai hona chahte ho?

Ladka: thik aysa nahi hai. Ye chara meri aur koi rasta nahi tha,iss lyee.

1st friend: dost mere man karti hai ke oh ladki kan me kam sunti hay.

2nd friend: keyse bujha?

1st friend: meine uski bola I love you aur oh bola meri juti jora new hai.

Habibko many times prokriti dak dia magar oh nahi uthna parti coz his friend
Jab saha nahi jata tab bola: dost prokriti kitni bar Miss call de rahi hai meine Call back
Karke ata hu.

1st dost:Pehle kaha tha na ki India pe nahi ana,yha itni traffic jam ab kayse jaunga?

2nd dost:Aao gaan gai 'Gulistane aa kar humko asha fur gaya'.

Ripon aur Salam do dost. Ek khela par baazi dhor kar Salam har gaya aur uski baad-

Ripon:Dost,baazi ki shart par tu aj mujhko restaurant par dhokaoge.

Salam:Acca thik hai.

Aur uske baad Salam ek restaurant par Ripon ke le kar samne door se dhuka aur
Pichle door se bahar le ayaa!

Ek pukur ke paas do dost khara raha tha

1st dost:ki re kitne dinse tum naha nahi?

2nd dost: khamokha mera dos dena nahi,ye pukur ki khusbu hai.

Ek dost ne ek ladki ko dekh kar ek shayri bola-
Vaisob! Vaisob! Hamari sabki ek daabi hok-
Uss ladki ne tumhare vaabi hok.

1st friend: dost sach bolta hu,Jarina ke liee maine drink nahi karta hu.

2nd friend:Meine vi nahi,wasa ki pani pe durgandha hai iss liee paani ki sad mad par leeta hu.Sokhia ke baat kaun yaad rakhta hai?

Dost eksath baythe to kitni chaye khaya magar problem to rahe gaya.

hu dost, ulta mere diebetis bar gaya aur mere problem bar gaya.

Pati:mere marne ke baad tum Rafiq ko saadi karna.

Patni:meine kiu tumhare dost ko saadi karunga?...mere koi dost nahi hai?

Maine koi dhoni nahi hum agar mere ek rich mann hai, maine koi smart nahi hum agar mare smart demag hai,maine sab samay right nahi hu magar meine tumko dost banake nahi vul ki.

Tu nahi janta hai mein chotobela me helicopter se pada gaya tha
Friend: tu kiu mada nahi hai?
Us samay ki baat mujhe khayal nahi hai.

Friend us tarah ki relation hai haat aur aankh ke bich par,haat pairs jab aankh roti hay & jab aankh roti hai tab haat wide ho jati hai tears.

Santa : Mom kya aapne mujhe paida hone se pehle dekha tha?
Mom : Nahi to beta!
Santa : To phir paida hone ke baad aapne mujhe pehchana kaise??

Colgate se daant saaf karne ka,
Pepsodent se majboot karne ka,
Babool se fresh karne ka..
Agar fir bhi safed nahi huye to..
Bindass HARPIC use karne ka..

Boyz Mentality :-

Ye jo aag dim me lagi hai zamane me laga dunga,

.
..
…

Uski doli jo uthi,

to

Koi baat nahi smart hoon dusri pata loonga…;)

Santa – Yaar Banta tune poore toilet me potty kyu kar di?
Banta – Yaar ye mobile bhi na!
Santa – Kya hua?
Banta – Tune “IDEA” ka ad nahi dekha
“WALK when u TALK”

Ek admi bohot bemar tha,uske paribar ke log doctor ke pas le gaya
Doctor: e to mar gaya..
Patient: bahar ho kar, uski paribar se bola, doctor ne keya bola?
Paribar: chup karo tum to mar gaya, tumhare dafnake ata hu

Doctor ki vul report me ek husband uski wife se kaha
Bola tha na tum upar raho aur mein niche rahu to tum pregnant nahi hota.

Ek doctor ke pas gaya Rohan aur dekha 4 dollar ke binimoye baccha valo hota hay.

Rohan: wo keyse?

Doctor: tumhare bibi ko rakh jao aur 4 dollar de jao 4 din ke lie, guarantee hai tumhara
Baccha kala nahi hoga.

Doctor ane se pehle rogi mar gaye”-iske English keya hay?
Very simple- “Innlillahi wa innalillhir rajiun”.

Nurse: aur rogi de kar keya karega? Operation kar ke to sushtho admi ko osushtho kar deta hai aap.
Doctor: iss problem solve karne ke lieehi to aur rogi dorkar practice karne ke liee!!!

Admi:main eek problem le kar problem par hai,keyaa aap bolna paroge wo problem keyaa hai?

Doctor:tumhara problem hai ki ye koi problem nahi hai.

Bibi:meri pati mujhko khub jalati hai.

Doctor: usko tin file gum ki tablet khate dena.

Bibi: toh wo to mar jayega?

Doctor:toh uski valo ghum hoga aur aap vi chainse nind parna,magar bichane par nahi kabar par.

Admi:maine bohut dinse cigarette chodne ke liee kosis karta raha hum agar nahi parta hu.

Doctor:jaldi petrol pump par koi job le lijie ga.

Doctor:bolo apki husband ki keya problem hai?

Bibi:wo khub durbal hai.

Doctor:usko besi besi karke dud khawan.

Bibi:maine to dudh khane ke lyee magar wo to tipta hai.

Kaya hai a daily life jara dekha jai--
husband: 'Mujhay Janwaron k Doctor k paas lay chalo'
Wife: 'kon hai wo?'
husband: 'Roz Subah Murghay ki tarah uthta hoon;
Ghoray ki tarah bhaag k Office jata hoon;
Gadhay ki tarah kaam karta hoon;
Ghar a ke sab par Kuttay ki tarah bhonkta hoon;
Aur Raat ko Bhains k sath so jata hoon..

Patient: Docter Sab, mujhe bhool janey ki bemari hai

Doctor: Aap ko ye bemari kab se hai?

Mareez: Konsi bemari. . .
Then Doctor give a prescription to the patient
Kus samay bad----
Mareez : doctor sab a dawai to kahin se nahi mil rahi

Doctor: oo ho.. dawai likhna to hum bhol hi gaya ye to hamara signature hai:-

Patient Doctor ko bola --> Doctor Sahab Mujhe Dur Ka Nazar Nahi ata hai..

Doctor na kaha-- > Wo Asmaan Par Kia Hai?

Mareez --> wo Suraj hai

Doctor > Aabay andhay is s e duur kia khudha ko dekhaga keya..!

Agar Doctor na film banane start kar di to film ka nam hoga-

Paralyzed ho na ho
Hum blood de chukka sanam
Mari yaar ke endscopy hai
Kaho na Diabeteshai
Hash ap hamara patient hoti
Pregnant banaya apna
Kabhi ICU Kabhi CCU
Hamara stethoscope apke pas hai
Operation to hona hi tha
Phir haddi fracture
Om surgery Om
Hypertension for you.

Teacher: kela 1 Rs. Hole 15 Rs. Me kitni hali kela paoge tum?
Student: 1 Rs. Hali kela? Apki ass mein dhuka denge.

Teacher: kabhi poschim side me presab math kaarna.

Ek din ek choti ladky poschim side me presab kar rahi hai, tab teacher uske pice mara

Aur kaha kiun tum us tarah presab kar rahi ho?
Kuch din bad wo teacher bhi poschim dik mein presab karne laga.

Ladky: sir aaj to ap us tarah presab kar rahi hay.

Teacher: mein to mere lingo ghura dena parti hu. Keya tumhara vi ghurti hay?