Jokes | चुटकुले

Fauji officer- Jawan agar tum jangal me bhatk jao to kya karogay ?
Santa - Sir, hum GEEDAR dhund k marne ki koshish karenge.
Officer - wo kyu ?
Santa - Sir, jab GEEDAR ki maut aati hai to shehar ki tarf bhagta hai, aur hum us k piche - 2 shehar aa jaenge...

Santa ke ghar Ladki ne janam liya..

Banta: jab ladki badi hogi to ladke ise chedenge.
Santa: Maine iska intejaam kar liye hai.
Banta: kya kiya?



Santa: Ladki ka naam DIDI rakh diya hai

Nayi(new) doctor ne apni life ka pehla operation kiya! Operation ki thodi der baad hi marij mar gaya!

Marij ke marne ke baad doctor ne diwar par tangi bhagwan ki taswir ki ore haath jodkar sir jhukate hue puri shradha ke saath kaha: Hey prabhu meri ore se yeh pehli bhet swikar kijiye!

1 baar 1 haathi swimming pool me gir gaya
usme chintiyan nha rahi sabhi chintiyan bahar nikal aayi 1 chinti hathi ke sharir par rah gyi
sabhi bolne lagi
dooba saale ko ladkiyo ko chhedta hai

Musharraf_ Jab mein paida hua to 51 topen chali thi..

Santa- Kamal hai! Sabka nishana chook gaya?

Bahu ka 1st Affair sunne k baad Sasur ne Bahu ko mara!
2nd Affair pata lagne par Pati ne mara!
Lekin Saas har baar chhup rahi!
WHY??
.
.
.
KYUNKI SAAS BHI KABHI BAHU THI!! ;-)

Banta: Tumne apni patni ko birthday par diamond ring kiyon di? Voh to car chahti thi na?

Santa: Par mein nakali car kahan se le ke ata?

dost dusre dost se
jiska dil tut gya hai uske pass gernl knowlge kyon nhi hoti
dost---jiska dil hi tut gya wo /g.k/kya kare

Ik Police Inspector ke ghar chori ho rahi thi.

Wife: Utho ji, ghar me chori ho rahi hai.

Police Inspector: Mujhe sone de, main is time duty par nahi hun.

Santa: Look at these bills: rent, telephone, electricity, shopping, etc. The costs are going up on all of them. I would be very happy if just one thing went down. Pappu: Dad, see my report card

chennai stdnt- paper bahut asan tha

bangalore stdnt- paper theek tha

delhi stdnt- paper mushkil tha

up stdnt- papr ki chod , barabar wali set kar li yaar.

Mom : Roohi Kyu Ro Rahi Ho?
Poohi : Teacher Ne Mara.
Mom : Kyu?
Roohi : Maine Usko Murghi Kaha
Kyuki Usne Mujhe Test Mein Anda Diya

BHIKARI: SAHEB 6 RUPAE DO COFEE PEENI HAI.
MAN : PAR 1 KOFEE TO 3 RUPAE KI AATI HAI
BHIKARI : PAR SAHEB SAATH MEIN GIRLFRIEND HAI
MAN : BHIKARI HOKAR BHI GF BANA LI.
BHIKARI: NO SAAB, GF NE BHIKARI BANA DIYA

boy - papa aapne mujhse kaha tha k agar main paas ho gaya to aap mujhe 5000 Rs denge.
father - haan kaha tha
boy - to aapke liye khush khabri hai, aapke 5000 Rs bach gaye.

DAD :Exam me paas ho ya fail tumhe bike Dunga
SON:tank u papa
DAD: pass hua to PULSUR college jane ke liye.

Fail hua to RAJDUT Dudh bechne ke liy.

Banta to santa -tu hamesha mujhe bewakuf kyun banata hai ?
Santa- kyunki tu BANTA hai....

dhirubhai called from swarg- beta anil kaise chal raha h apna reliance india mobile ?
anil-kuch sunai nahi de raha mere airtel no. par call karo

1 Khusra Vote Mangte Hue
“Hamen Vote Do,
Mai Yakeen Dilata Hn Agar Mein Kamyab Hogya
To Phr Kisi K Haan Bhi Kaka Paida Hoa To
“Govt.”
Us K Ghar Muft Nachay Gi.

Joke- sanny paji ne NASA join ki.
Ek mahine bad nasa ka naam badal kar rakhkha.....






SATYANASÄ.

Boy Friend:
Kya Tum Meri Salary Main Guzara Kr Logi ? ? ?
Girl Friend:
Main Tou Guzara Ker Loongi . . . Par Tumhara Kia Ho ga ;->

santa: Biwi se ladai khatm hui?
Banta: Ghutne tek k mere pas aai thi
s : usne ghutne tek k kya kaha
B : yahi ki bed k niche se nikal aao, kuch nhi kahungi

Ek buzrg apni taveel zindgi ka raaz bata raha tha.
Meri umr 80 saal hai magr main ne kbi
cigrt nhi piya,
sharab nhi pee,
joa nhi khela
aur kbi kisi aurat ki taraf aankh utha kr nhi deakha
sunne wala bola : baba g muje herat hai k phr ap itne saal kis liye zinda ho.

Ik Gadha: Yaar mera maalik Lallu mujhe bahut maarta hai.

Doosra Gadha: To tu bhag kyo nahi jata?

Pehla Gadha: Bhag to jaaun par vahan future bahut bright hai. Malik ki khubsurat beti jab sharat karti hai to vo usko kehta hai teri shadi kise gadhe se hi karunga. Bus isi umeed pe baitha hoon !!!!

Santa horse par ja raha tha.

Voh red light jump karta hai.

Police vala siti bajata hai.

Santa ghode ki tail opar kar ke kehata hai: Le karle number note.

Teachar-2 aisi cheezo k naam batao,jinhe nashte me nhi kha skte
Santa-Sir,LUNCH AUR DINNER

A girl comes late to class.
Proff-y r u late?
Girl-sir ek ladka mera pichha kar rha tha.
Prof-To late kaise ho gai ?
Girl-sir ladka bahut slow chal rha tha.good night

Santa to Banta mei bachpan may bohat taqat war tha..

Banta- wo k se?

Santa- meri Maa kehti hy k jab mei rota tha to sara ghar sar py utha leta tha..

ek admi apni shadi nahi kar pa raha tha


say why


kyonki koi use ladki dene ko taiyar nahi tha......

Shaadi mein ek pathan bahut der tak khana kha raha tha.

Kisi ne poocha kab tak khaoge?

Pathan: Mein toh khud kha-kha ke dukhi hoon, Per kya karon card mein likha tha Dinner 7 PM to 10 PM.

Friend 2 Sheikh:
Muje apni ring de do main ring ko dekh k tumhay yaad karu ga

Sheikh:
Tum ye soch k muje yaad kr lena k mene ring mangi thi or usne nahi di.

Friend1: Are yaar ye mobile to mujhe kangaal kar dega.

Friend2: Kyu?

Friend1: Baar baar dikhaata hai “Battery Low” ab tak 56 battery badal chuka hoon!

Aman Mujra Dekhne Gaya,Sari Raat Mujra Dekhta Raha

Bai:Sahab Humne Aap Ko Khush Kiya,Ab Aap Hamain Khush Karo.

Aman Utha Or Khud Nachne Laga.