Jokes | चुटकुले

Santa movie dekhne gaya. Achanak movie me sher ko aapne taraf aata dekh chup gaya.
Men: tum chup kyo rahe ho ye to movie hai.
Santa (gusse se): saale tujhe pata hai yeh movie hai, Mujhe pata hai yeh movie hai, Per who to jaanver hai use kya pata ki yeh movie hai...

Beta- Papa, Aapne Humari Naye Car Ka Naam Mummy Ke Naam Par Kyo Rakha Hai.?
Papa- Beta, Kyo Ki Yeh Bhi Mere Control Ke Baahar Hai.!

Santa: Mujhe Patni Ka Hath Bantana Hai
Chutti Chahiye.
Boss: Nahi Milegi.
Santa: Shukriya,Janta Tha Musibat Ki Samay Aap Hi Madad Karenge.

Sense Of Responsibility:
A man goes in Library
& asks Librarian
for a book on 'Suicide' ..
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Librarian:
O Bhaisaab ! Vapis kon dene aayega??

If You Pass In Exam:
Mom: Ktni Khushi Ki Baat Hai
Dad:Mera Beta Sher Hai
Lover:So Sweeeet
&
Friends:Kutte! Kamine! Zalil! Tu Ne Itna Kb Padha

Ladke Ne 1 Ladki Ko Dekh Ke Comment Pass Kiya-
'Arre Wah, Kya Item Hai'
Ladki Muskurai Aur Boli-
'Pagal, Ye Item To Tere JIJU Ka Hai'...

Santa K Bete Ki Roti Par Se Chooha Guzar Gaya
Son: Mujhe ye Roti Nahi Khani
Santa: Kha Le Putar
ChOOhe Ne kaun si chapal pehan rkhi thi.

GOLU Cycle Sath Le K Bhaga Ja Rha Tha
Raste Me Kisi Ne Kaha K
GOLU Chai To Peete Jao
GOLU-Agr Itna Time Hota To Cycle Pe Na Baith Jata

Plumber Ne Pipe Naya Lagane K Baad 1000/Rs Bill Diya
Sonu- Itna To Mai Engineer Ho K B Nhi Kamata
P- Mai B Nahi Kamata Tha Jab Engineer Tha

GOLU Cycle Sath Le K Bhaga Ja Rha Tha
Raste Me Kisi Ne Kaha K
GOLU Chai To Peete Jao
GOLU-Agr Itna Time Hota To Cycle Pe Na Baith Jata

Master : Khali jaga pura karo..

900 chuhay kha kar Billi___chali..

Stdnt: 900 chohay kha kr Billi Matak Matak kr chali..

Master(Ghusse se)
Kharay ho jao, mazak krte ho?

Stdnt: Sir ye B mene ap ka dil rkhne k liye keh dia warna
900 chuhay kha kr Billi chal to kya Hil b nhi sakti...!

Bhakt: Baba ji ladki nahi pat ti.. Nirmal baba: last time ladki kab or kaha dekhi? BHAKT:Baba ji, aaj subah Mohalle mein dekhi....
Nirmal baba: Bas yahi se kripa ruki huyi hai. Aisa hai ki kal se maholle ke bahar bhi muh maaro.... Kripa aani shuru ho jaye gi...

aa apne Totlay Bete se:

Beta aaj hum jahan larki dekhne ja rahe hain

tum wahan kuch bolna mat.

Warna ye log bhi mana kardenge.

Beta: Theet hai.

Larki walon k ghar jab Larki chai lai to Larka chai peetay hi bola:

Dalam hai Dalam...

Larki foran boli:

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oyyyyyyyyyyy.

Phoot maar Phoot

Couple of Engineering college:-

Girl: You dnt love me na??

Boy huged her tightly & said silently.
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'dekh abhi SUBMITION chal rahe he dimag kharab mat kar...

Purane students ki Gathering mein teacher ne puchha,

'School mein aapka koi Kadva Anubhav?'

Ek student bola,

Me aur meri wife isi school mein mile the!

Dada ji :- Beta jaa pani le aa,.
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1st pota :- m nhi jaa sakta game khel rha
hu,
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2nd pota :- rehne do dada ji,ye to battmiz
hai,
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Aap khud hi jakar le aao...!!

Makan malik1 ladki ko ghar dikha rha tha,
Ladki-suna hai yaha bhoot rahte he,
Makan malik-pata nhi bahen,
mujhe to mare hue 7 saal ho gye he

Father: beta ..!
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Tu ne Engineering K 4 Saalo Mein Sab Se Mushkil Kaam Kon Sa Seekha......?
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Son: Bus Ki Chatt Pe baith K....Tezz Hawaon Mein 1 Teeli Se 3 Cigarette Jalana...

bf drinking
Whiskey with her girlfriend..
Asks him-tum kaun ho........??
girlfriend-pgal ho gaye ho kya
Apne jaanu ko bhool gye ..
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boyfriend- nasha har gum ko bhula deta hai..
Bahan
gf shocked, bf rocked..

Rahul- mere pet me chuuhe kood rahe hai.

Sonam- tu chuuhe maarne ki dawaai lele.

Ek Machar aur Makkhi ki shaadi hui.Agle din Makkhi ro rahi thi.Uski saheli ne pucha kya hua bahen.WO Boli raat me maine Gudnight jala Di Tumhare jija mar Gaye

Boy :kaha ja rahi ho?
Girl : aatmahatya karne
boy : to itna MAKEUP kyu kiya hua hai?:/
girl :abe gadhe ! Kal Newspaper me photo aegi na.

A Colgate repoter comes on santa's door

Repoter: kya apke toothpaste mai namak hai ?

Santa : chal bhag sali

Kal ko puchegi

kya apke shampoo mai Garam masala hai?!!!!!!?

Tchr 2 Snta: Ur son is a fool
See his reprt.
Eng-2
Math-5
Scnce-7
SST-8
Hindi-3
Total-25
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Snta-Total me to kamal kiya hai
Is sbjct ki tution tak nhi rakhi thi.

Teddy gift krne par
modern grl-oh wow so
cute!
Muslim-Allah!kitna khubsurat h
Sikh grl-Kinna sona h
rajasthani chhori- o re dra diyo o k bhalu so diyo h tingar.

santa ne ek aadmi ke tapad mar dia
Man- meri galati kya h?
Santa-Saale tu kya smajta h me teri galati ka intjar karta rahunga.

Santa juice ka gilas le k baitha tha.
Banta aaya aur fataak se juice pi gya.
Santa- Meri to saali kismat hi kharaab hai.
Beta fail ho gya.
Bivi dost k saath bhag gyi.
Naukrani aa ni rahi.
Nal me pani nahi.
Ghar me light nahi.
Ab juice mein
Zehar dal k peene ko rakha tha, aur WO BHI TU PI GYA?

Daru Ki Wajah Se Barbad Sharabi Ne Kasam Li or Ghar Se Daru Ki Khali Bottles Fekne Laga
1st Fek K Bola: Teri Wajah Se Meri Naukri Chali Gae
2nd Fekte Bola: Teri Wajah Se Meri Biwi or ghar Chala Gaya.
3rd Uthai To Wo Bhari Hui Nikli To Bola : ''''Tu Side Me Ho Ja... Isme Tera Koi Kasoor Nahi Hai

SIR- Samaj tujhe 10 laddu diye..
Boy- Mujhe..??
SIR- Samaj na tere baap ka kya jata hai..!
... ... ...
Us main se 5 mujhe diye to tere paas kitne bache..?
Boy-20..!
SIR- Kaise..?
Boy- samaj na tere baap ka kya jata hai..!!

aik baar Santa or Banta mil kar safar kar rahy thay
k achanak Banta ny kaha wo dekho aik mara hua parinda.
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Santa ne uper asman ki taraf dekha or pocha k kidher kidher

Teacher-Tum Ro Q Rahe Ho?
Ladka-Meri Mummy Mere Papa Ko Kutta Kehti Hai
Aur Papa Unko Billi,
Mujhe Samajh Nahi Aata Ki Main Pilla Hu
Ya Billa

Wife- Agar Main Waqt Hoti Log Meri Kitni Qadar Karte Na.?
Husband- Log Tumhe Dekh Daar Jate.
Wife- Kayo.?
Husband- Log Kehte Wo Dekho
Bura Waqt Aaaaa Raha Hai.