Jokes | चुटकुले

YOU ARE A BANDAR.MEANS;
B:Beautiful,
A:Attractive,
N:Naughty,
D:Diffarant,
A:And,
R:Respected.
oy jyada khus hone ki jarurat nahi hai ,Ho to bandar hi na!!!

2 bachhon ki maa tisri baar shadi kar rahi thi. Shadi k waqt chota bacha rone laga.
Maa boli: Chup ho ja, warna agli baar sath nahi laungi.

Old man to Class teacher-
Sir, BUNTY ko Bula do.
Sir- Aap kaun?
Old man- Main Uska Dada.
Sir- Wo Chhutti Lekar Aapki MAYYAT me Gaya hai.

Biwi gusse me pati se:
Jab dekho jeb me sharab ki bottle rakhe rahte ho.!
Pati: To tu kya chahti he? Har waqt honton se lagaye rakhu kya?

Suiside me asafal Pati se Patni boli- Cheez dekhkar kharida karo. Zaher ke paise bhi gaye aur jis kaam ke liye liy tha vo bhi pura nahi hua.

Ramu- In aalu ke paraathon me aalu nazar nahi aa rahe he!!
Shyamu- Yaar naam par mat ja, Kashmiri pulav me kabhi kashmir nazar aata he kya?

Hubby(wife se)- kamwali Shanti ko bulao.
wife- kyu?
Hubby- Doctor ne bola hai ki raat ko tonik aur goli khao
Aur shanti ke sath so jao..!

Santa 5 minute me paper dekar exam hall se bahar aa gaya.
Sir: Paper nahi aata tha kya?
Santa: Actually wo agle paper ki taiyari karni he.

Santa(Ladki ko chhedte huye)- Hi soniye, kya haal he?
Ladki(Gusse me)- Vahi Jo teri bahen ka he.
Santa(Hanskar)- Wo to pregnent he. Hahaha

Teacher- Agar Main Teri Maa Hoti To Main Tuze 2 Dino Me Sudhaar Deti.
Student- Madam, Kal Tak Main Apne Papa Se Baat Karke Apko Bata Dunga.

Santa- Jab main chhota tha tab is ped par chadh jata tha.
Banta- Kaise?
Santa- Tab ye ped bhi chhota tha yaar.

A new teacher joins school. He find 2 boys similar in appearance.
Teacher: Kya tum dono judwa ho?
Boys: Nahi, Hum dono padosi hai.

Gandhiji Ne Ahinsa Ka Rasta Hi Kyu Chuna..?
.
.
.
.
.
Guess
.
.
Socho
.
.
.
.
Kyunki Dhishum Dhishum To Pepsodent ka kaam hai.

Mayawati ik tree pe chadi.
Upar baithey Monkey ne poocha: Upar kyon aayi?
Mayawati: Apple khane.
Monkey: Yeh to aam ka tree hai.
Mayawati: Pata hai, Apple saath laayi

Is Duniya me sirf Post-Man he, Post Woman nahi he.

Aakhir Kyu?

Why?
.
.
.
.
.
Kyuki Wo Delivery Dene me 8-9 Mahine Laga Deti he.

Boy: Muze Mehnati, Sadgi Se Rehne Wali, Aagyakari, Ghar Sanwar kar Rakhne Wali Ladki Chahiye.
Girl: Mere Ghar Aake Meri Nokrani Ko Le Jana.

Santa ko gadhe par college jane ka shok tha.
3 saal baad Santa ko akele jana pada.
Puchho Kyu?
.
.
.
Kyuki Gadha graduate ho gaya tha.

Santa was smoking in front of his father.
His friend- Oye papa ke samne smoking kar raha he?
Santa- Baapu he, koi petrol pump thodi na he.

Animal Party me Chuhe ne 4peg le liye.
Cat- Party na hoti to aaj tuze kha jati.
Chuha- Bhaag. Nahi to log kahenege daru pike aurat ko mara

Math Teacher: Agar tumhari dono pocket me 1000 rupees ho, to kya sochoge?
Sam: Main sochunga ki kahin maine papa ki pant to nahi pahen lee.

Girl- Aajtak tune muze kiss nahi kiya, plz karo na.
Santa- No.
Girl- Kyu?
Santa- Bade log kahte he ki aurton ko munh nahi lagate.

ChiLd 2 Dentist Doctor ..!!
Kya Dard K Bgair Bhi Daant Nikalay ja sAktay Hain?
Dentist:Nahi..!
ChiLd: Agr Main NikaL doOn?
Doctor: NikaLo.

ChILd:He he he he

Girl: Excuse Me sir, Kya Aap Mere Chehre se 1 chiz hata sakte he?
Man (Khush Hoke): Haan, Zara Boliye To?
Girl: Apni nazar hata lijiye

Santa Pilot Se Head Phone
Cheen Raha Hota Hai...

Pilot: Yeh Kia kar rahe Ho?

Santa: Ticket Hum Dein Aur
Gane(Songs) Tu Akela Sune

Teacher-santa tum kal skul kyu nahn aaye.
Santa-gir gaya tha or lag gayi.
Teacher-kahan gire kahan lagi?
Santa-takiye pe gira tha aur aankh lag gayi.

A lucknowi nawab meets sardar.

Nawab: Janab kya main apko ek takleef de sakta hoon?


Sardar: O kutty hath to laga,
daikh tujhy zalel kese karta hon

Ek Bar ek School me ek master ji Ek ladke ko khada kar ke bolte hai ki Batao Mohan Taj mahal kaha hai Mohan Bola pata nahi guru ji To Master ji bole Banch per khade ho jao Mohan Bola Abhi bhi nahi dikh raha hai Master ji

Deadly IQ OF SANTA SINGH!


Wat's d Opposite of ACHAAR??


A- ONION!

HOW?

A- Achaar=Pickle=Pee-Kal..

So, Opposite of Pee-Kal= Pee-Aaj= Onion!

Pehla Dost: Tum Ne Garmion Ki Chuttian Kahan Guzareen?

Doosra Dost: 1 Din GHOREY Ki Qamar Pe Baqi 59 Din Hospital Me...

Baap bete se :Qutub minar kaha hai??
Beta : Pata nahi
Baap : Kabhi ghar se nikla karo
Beta : Ram Lal kon hai
Baap : Pata nahi kyo
Beta : Kabhi ghar me raha ka

Bola dukaandar ki kyaa chahiye tumhien, Jo bhi kaho ge meri dukaan per wo paoge..
Maine kaha ke kutte ke khaane ka cake hai?
Bolaa yahin pe khaaoge ya ghar le jaaoge.. .

seller: yeh bakra 20000 ka
yeh 10000
yeh 5000
or woh wala sirf 500 rupee.
custmr: 500 ka kyun hai?
seller: china ka hai, koi guarantee naheen ghar jaa k bhonkna shuru ker dai