Jokes | चुटकुले

Boy n girl on fb

girl:- “u never smile na??”

boy:-“hw can u say dis??”
...
girl:-“ur smiling pics r mising here”

boy:-“ok then …do u bath daily??”

girl:-“ya ofcorse..y u asking??”

boy:-“no, I hvnt seen .any pic….”

Santa(Drunk): It's really awkward.
Jeeto: What's awkward?
Santa: That I'm really drunk and you're still ugly.

Santa was looking at a lady.
Jeeto: Why are you staring at that lady?
Santa: Bcoz she looks exactly like you.
Jeeto: Is she hot?
Santa's dilemma: To say YES or NO!

Boss to an Employee: 'Do you believe in life after death?'

Employee: 'Certainly not! There's no proof of it', he replied.

Boss: 'Well, there is now. After you left early yesterday to go to your uncle's funeral, he came here looking for you.' :-

Boy: My Father's name is LAUGHING and my Mother's name is SMILING.

Teacher: You must be Kidding?

Boy: No, that's my brother. I am JOKING

A wife complains,

'I have three nasty animals at home.

A dog that growls every morning,

a parrot that swears all afternoon,

and a husband that farts all night!

Wife: Yesterday I saw a very Beautiful Girl.

Husband: Really ??

Then what happened?

Wife: I just kept on Admiring her, On & On..

Husband (Gets Irritated): But,

what happened then?

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Wife Smiled & said: Then What ??

I Simply Moved away from the Mirror !!!

Santa waitin at bus stop 1 gentelman came there by 2wheler n askea 'u want lift' Santa:'No thanks my house is in ground floor'

Math Teacher : If a=b and b=c then a=c, now give me the practical example of this principle from real life.

Student : I love you sir and you love your daughter which means I love your daughter

Teacher asks 2 Santa change dis sentence
'I made a mistake' frm active voice 2 passive voice.
He replied quickly 'I was made by a mistake'

Maths questn:

'x' married 'z' twice his age, left her

&

now married 'y' 1/2 his age.

Wat's d age of 'x'?

Student wrote:

I don't know the answer,

but

'x' is surely

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SAIF ALI KHAN!!

Santa:Why do you close ur eyes while playing the piano?
Banta:I can't see the agony of the audience

A woman telephoned her local newspaper to let them know that she had just given birth to 18 children.
The reporter didn't quite hear the message and said, 'Would you repeat that?'
'Not if I can help it,' replied the woman.

SANTA, your son is Dead..

Hearing this bad news Santa jumps from 50th floor

35 flr:

He realizes- i don't have son

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20 flr-

i am not married &

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3rd flr-

SHIT i am Banta. :p

Santa mentioned 3yrs experience in his resume

Interviewer: Can u tell me

in which field u've experienced for 3yrs?

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Santa: In searching JOBS!

Wfe:If I dismiss the cook & make the food myslf 4 a month, what'll u pay me?
Hsbnd:I won't have to pay u,u'll get my entire insurance amount

Bond meets a Tamil guy..
Bond: My name is Bond..
(smiles and then says)
JAMES BOND..
Tamil Guy: I am Sai..
=>Venkata Sai..
=>Shiva Venkata Sai..
=>Narayana Shiva Venkata Sai..
=>Lakshmi Narayana Shiva Venkata Sai..
=>Srinivasalu Lakshmi Narayana Shiva Venkata Sai..
Bond commited suicide !!

Man shoots a Mad Dog 2 save Lady.
Nwsppr: INDIAN SAVES LADY
Man-I'm nt Indian.
Nwsppr: FOREIGNER SAVES LADY
Man-I'm Pakistani
Nwsppr: TERRORIST ATTACKS LOCAL DOG

Dr: Which soap do u use?

Santa: Bajrang da soap,

DR: paste ?

Santa: Bajrang da paste,

DR: shampooo?

Santa: Bajrang da shampoo

Dr: Is Bajrang an international company?

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Santa: No..

Bajrang is my room mate,.

Dont giv imprtnce 2 MONEY
B'coz it can give bed but nt sleep
Books but nt brains
Cloth but nt beauty
Luxuries but nt hppiness
SO TRNSFR it 2 my A/c today

Obama to White House staff:-

'Just received a call from India.

Guy on the other side was totally silent !'

'Wonder who it might be !'

Boy: I love you
Girl: I hate you
Boy: why this kolaveri di?
Girl: ohh god! I love you too but please for god sake stop singing that song

Sister : where does all the rain water go?
Brother (irritated) : it goes to my head
Sister : now i know why you always have a running nose

Wife:Our servant
has stolen the
silver spoon.
Husband:Which one?
Wife:one which we stole from hotel.

Mother To Son:'Get up

you useless fellow,

Sun has already risen

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Son:'Hey relax mom, Sun sleeps earlier than me..

A junior in an office dialed his boss's number by mistake & said :
Hey, send a coffee in my cabin in two minutes !......
Boss shouted : do you know whom you're talking to?!!!!!!
... Junior: no!
Boss: i'm the boss of this office.
Junior(in the same tone): & do u know whom you're talking to?
Boss: no!
Junior: thank God.(and disconnected the phone)..

CID back;

Aaj khane me roti sabji aur dal hai.....

Wah..wah..

Aaj khane me roti sabji aur dal hai.....
Wah..wah..

Oh my god is khooni ki biwi to mall hai.....

Teacher: What happen when Carbon monoXide react with 2 molecules of Iron? .

Student: Coffee.

Teacher: How??????

Student: Co+2Fe = COFFEE.

Principal: what u want to becom in future?

Student: After studyin MBBS, I want to join Police force n gt good job in a good software company nd work as lawyer n construct big buildings n conduct research nd become actor..

Principal: Hey, Wat's ur name?

Student: Rajnikant!!

Somewher In Africa...
A Black Boy To His Black Girlfriend
On A Romantic Night
Out Near D Sea Shore Askd Her.
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'Darling,where R U?'.

Ek Bar Pappu Interview ke liye jata hai....
Boss - Aisi kaun se chij hai, jisme to pahiye hote hain?
Pappu - Cycle
Boss - Nahi, Hero Cycle.
Boss - Accha ek or chij batao, aise kaun si chiz hai, jisme chaar pahiye hote hain?
Pappu- Car?
Boss - Nahi, Honda Car.
Pappu - Ab mein ek question puchu kya aapse?
Boss - Yes,
Pappu - Aise kaun se chij hai, Jo Safed Gole ke ander Kale gole jese lagti hai?
Boss - Aankh?
Pappu - Nahi, Saale.....Teriiii Maaaaa Ki Aankhhhh....

Pandit bolyo: dulha dulhan the kyun jaghdo karo ho,
The dono jeevan gadi ke do pahiya ho ,
Ab chain se apni jeevan gadi kheecho,
Dulha: Re pandit tharo to dimag hi kharab ho gayo ho,
Arey je gadi mein ek pahiya cycle ko ho,
Dusro tractor ka ho to gadi kaiyan chalegi !