Jokes | चुटकुले

Train me Santa ne apna trunk upar samaan rakhne vali jagah par rakh diya. Neeche Gujarati Gujju baitha tha.

Gujarati Gujju: apna samman kahi aur rakho, mere sirr pe gir jaega

Santa: Koi baat nahi friend, iss me tutne vali koi cheez nahi hai.

Ye badalti ratein, Ye doobtay arman
Ye jaltay diye, Ye bujhti shamaein
Ye kuch or nahi hai Faraz….

… Sirf K.E.S.C ka kamina pan hai

SHERU ARPITA SE BOLA -

“BHAI AAJ TO CHAY PINE KA MAJA AA GAYA.”



ARPITA NE KAHA- “UNCLE JI, AGAR BILLI

NE DUDH ME MUH NA MARA HOTA TO AUR BHI MAJA AATA.”

Allama Iqbal farmatay hain…
ooper se sab dekh raha hon Faraz ka haal iqbal,
Acha hi hua k mene koi asan shair nahi banaya

1 ladka apne gf k liye chudiya lekar jata he!
gf- khud hi pehnado
boy- mujhe kya pta tha itna acha response milega varna me kapde lekar ata

Ek admi PATHAN ko mar raha tha. Logon ne poocha k kyon mar rahay ho?
Wo bola: Sala ek ghantay se pooch raha hai… Ramzan ki jhandiyan kahan se milengi?

Santa- Agar nariyal k ped pe chhad jaun to Engineering college ki ladkiyan dikh jaayengi??
Banta- Zaroor!! Aur haath chhod dega to medical college ki bhi dikh jaayengi.. ;-)

Mukesh & Anil have been advised to take large doses of Hajmola!!
Why???
?
?
?
Bcoz Hajmola guarantees to solve al ur GAS problems!! ;-)

Gabber: Aaj maine Basanti ko nahate hue dekha!
Viru: Kutte, Kamine main tera khun pi jaunga.
Gabber: Haramkhor, me naha raha tha or Bansanti ja rahi thi !!

santa-agar mere hath me sarkar ho to
me desh ki taqdir badel dunga.
wife-tum pehle apna pajama tobadal lo subha
se ulta pehn rakha hai.

Ek ladka achanak ladki ko dekh ke bola- Lafz tere geet mere! Gazal koi sunaun kya kya??
Ladki- Haath mere gaal tere! Kaan ke neeche bajaun kya???

Santa- ladki fasani aati hai
Banta- nahi aati
Santa- pehle kagaj ka jahaj bana phir use class room me udha de jab madam puche to ladki ka nam laga de ---bas ladki fas gai

Autowala to Bunty : Sahab, 100 rupaye ho gaye.
Santa ne 50 rupaye autowale ko de diye.
Autowala : Sahab ye to gundagardi hai, meter ki hisab se 100 rupaye hue hai.

Bunty : Tu bhi to baithkar aaya hai, tera kiraya bhi kya mujhe dena parega!!!

Doctor: Aap ka weight kitna ha?
Johnny: Chasme(opticals) ke saath 75kg.
Doctor. Aur chasme ke bagir?
Johnny: Vo mujhe dikhta hi nahi.

Heights of laziness:
Boy: mom 1glaas pani dedo
mom:khud lelo
beta:pls dedo
mom:ab manga toh thappad dungi
beta:jab thappad dene aaogi toh pani lete aana.

Santa: DOCTOR, AAPKO TAANKE LAGANE AATE HAI.
DOC: HAA AATE HAI,KAHA LAGANE HAI?
Santa: YE LO MERI CHAPPAL PE LAGA DO.

snata ne call milayi to aage se aawaz aayi .... aaapke khate me is call k liye bkaya rashi nai hai ....
snta : o koi ni9 soniye tere baat ho gyi ye kya kam hai ?

Boy:Panditji,Meri Shadi kyu nahi ho rahi hai?
Pandit:Beta,Bhagwan ne tere Bhagya me dukh nahi likhe to isme mai kya kar sakta hu.

santa won loottery worth rs.20cr.......
dealer gave him 11cr after deductinjg tax ....
santa : oye dealer ... ya muje pure 20cr dede ya to mere 20rs vapas kar de ....

Santa ki chatri me hole tha, kisine pucha, umbrella mein hole kyu?
Sardar bola: Oye barish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega.

Girlfriend - darling mera mobile recharge karwa do
boyfriend - darling main tera aashiq hun airtel walo ka jawai nhein.

Banta: Pareshan lag rahe ho.
Santa: Yaar baap ban ne wala hu.
Banta: Yeh to khushi ki baat hai.
Santa: Lekin biwi ko nahi pata.

Aik jagah B.A Ki Degree ki Sale Ho Rahi thi,
Aik Admi Ghoray sE Utra Bhaga Hua Gya Or Aik Degree li Or Bola Bhai AIk Or Degree meray Ghoray k Liay Bhi de do,
Saleman Bola jAnab Ye Degree siRf Gadhon k Liay Hai.

Munna bhi: Ye doctor log operation karte samay patiant ko sula kyon dete hai?

Circuit: Bole to patiant khud operation karna sikh nale eslia bhia

Santa TV showroom me jate hai.
Santa: Kya aapke pas color TV hai?

Salesman: Yes sir.

Santa: Ik green wala dena

santa and banta went to steal in Ram,s house at night when he is sleeping

Santa drops a plate
Ram :kaun hai?
Santa: meow
Banta drops a plate

Ram : kaun hai?
Banta : ek aur billi

Ik aadmi thand lagne se kamp raha tha. Uska chhore ne doctor ko phone kiya.

Doctor: Kya hua?

Chhora: Bimari ka to pata nahin par bapu subha se vibration mode pe laga hai.

VAJPEYI: Retire ho gya hu,ji chahta hai ab to shadi kr lu?
ADWANI:Karlo?
VAJPEYI: Kisi vidhwa se kr lu
ADWANI:kunwari se hi kar lo
widhwa to apne aap ho jaegi

Science teacher: agar kisi ladki ko mirgi ka attack ho to use lambe time tak kiss karo iss se wo thik ho jayegi.
Student:ppar sir us ko attack kaise dilaya jaye

How to develop positive thinking?Watch F-TV.Bcoz u always think 'Arey yaar ok theek hai,yah nahi to agli model ke kapde me se kuch dikhega'

Santa Ki Amma Mar Gayi-
1Admi Bola
Amma Mujhe B LeJati
2-4 Or Bole:Amma Hme B Le Jati.
Santa:Chup HoJao
KUTO
Amma Kya
Tata-Sumo Krke
Gyi hai...?

santa comleated his MBBS &did his 1st operation soon after finishing the patient dead
he prayed: Bhagavan mera pehla 'Gift' swikar karo.