Jokes | चुटकुले

Coolest mom of the millenium Girl: mom,i want some fresh air..can i go for a walk..? Mom: yes,but tell your 'fresh air' to drop you home by 9 Pm...

Kolaveri Di is to be banned becz of the Lyrics
'White skin girl,girl..Girl heart black!'
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Kapil Sibal says-'This is in-reference to
Sonia Gandhi....

A man to his friend

My wife died yesterday

I am trying to cry,But tears r nt coming out..

Wh to do?

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Friend- No problem, just imagine she is back....

A Girl in a book shop :

Do u have the book named ''Girls r very Intelligent''?
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Salesman: The comedy section is on the Left side....

RAJNI was PutinG his DoGs Tail in2 a Pipe
Santa-oYe Pagal, DoG's Tail wiLL nEvEr becomE StraiGht.

Rajni-Yenna Rascala, its MY dog, I'm just bendinG the Pipe.

Judge: You are accused of driving above speed limits. What will you take, 3000 bucks or 3 days in jail?
Santa: I will take the money rather.

Teacher-- What is the meaning of Green dot on the packet of Parle-G ???
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B0y-- mam, it means Parle-G is now online...

Mom: You're All Dressed Up,
Where Are You Going?

Daughter: To The Bathroom,
I Need A New Facebook Picture

teacher; what is life and live ???
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.student(b)-
.thinking
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.um.. . . .
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.ummmm. . .
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.then. .he gaved ans;
life- 'girl' and live-'current or
electricity''...

Girl : I Want To Say Something
To U..!!
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Boy : What.?!
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Girl : Its 3 Words & 8
Letters..!!
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Boy : I Knw. Its I Love You..
But I Dont..!!
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Girl : No.
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Boy : Then What..?
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Girl : Go To Hell !!

Man to a super cute Air hostess:What's your name?
Air Hostess: Eva Benz
Man:Lovely name.Any relationship with Mercedes Benz?
Air Hostess:Our maintenance cost is the same!

Banta (after giving Rs 100 note): Now be careful with this money, remember the saying, 'A fool and his money are soon parted.'
Pappu: Yes Uncle, I just noticed it.

Teacher- Y are u sleeping in the class???

Student- Ur voice is so sweet
thatz Y i am getting sleep.

Teacher- Then Y other ppl r not sleeping???
Studsssent- They aren't listening 2 u mam...

Lady 1: My son is very well behaved.
Lady 2: How can you say that? Wasn't he arrested and imprisoned for 5 years.
Lady 1: Yes, but he got out after 2 years for good behavior inside the jail

Mom to her 7 year old kid
lets practice maths ok!!
lets start with addition
example-
your gf gave you 2 candy and 2 ice cream
what is your ans
...... kid- love u janu ...

A fish is smoking and a man asks him 'Are'nt you scared you'll get cancer?'
Fish:' I don't have lungs to get cancer

Boy: Where Are You Going?

Girl: For Suicide..

Boy: Then, Why Soo Much Make-Up?

Girl: You Idiot..!! Tomorrow My Photo Will Come In Newspaper...

Once A Girl Askd Her Bf :

Why We Have Units To Measure
Weight, Height & Distance
But
Not Love, Friendship & Trust?
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Boy Thought For A While
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Took Her In His Arms,
Looked Deep In Her Eyes & Said
Look, DON'T Eat My Brain!
I Have Already Failed In Physics

Santa was travelling in a train! A woman sat on his son's berth & didn't get up..
Santa shouted:'THIS LADY IS NOT GIVING BIRTH TO MY CHILD!'....

Judge: How can you prove you were not speeding your car?
Man: Sir, I was on the way to bring back my Wife from her mother's home!
Judge: That's all, case dismissed.

Professor Google:Chemical symbol of Barium?
Somu: BA

Professor Google:For sodium?
Somu: NA

Professor Google:What will we get if 1 atom of BA
& 2 atoms of NA combined?
Somu: BANANA

Banta: I read an article the other day that said, `If you drink everyday you are an alcoholic`.
Santa: Thank God I only drink every night.

Santa: I played chess against Viswanath Anand but I lost.
Banta: You are a fool. He is the world champion in chess, how can you win against him.
Santa: Thats why I asked him to play Left Handed but I still lost.
Banta: You are an idiot. He is actually Left Handed.

Banta: I was the pilot for the president's helicopter.
Santa: Wow, thats Good! .But why did you leave the job?
Banta: The president told he was feeling cold and I switched off the fan on the top.

Girl: 'I'm Breaking Up With You.'

Boy: 'Ok, Can I Get A Last Hug?'

*Girl Hugs Boy*

Girl: 'Wait, Are You Covered In Glue?'

Boy: 'Yeah.':)

child-who's dat man & woman who come every night n disapear in morning?
grandma-thank god finaly u saw them.dey r ur parents..bothh r 'doctors'

Girl 1: Have You Ever Had A
Hot Passionate, Burning
Kiss . . . ? ?
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Girl 2: I Did Once.
He'd Forgotten To Take
The Cigarette Out Of His
Mouth. . .

child-who's dat man & woman who come every night n disapear in morning?
grandma-thank god finaly u saw them.dey r ur parents..bothh r 'doctors'

Girl 1: Have You Ever Had A
Hot Passionate, Burning
Kiss . . . ? ?
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Girl 2: I Did Once.
He'd Forgotten To Take
The Cigarette Out Of His
Mouth. . .

I was in pub last night with my wife & said
'I LOVE U'
she said is dat u or d beer talking
I said its me talking...

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to d beer.

BOY: Lets Play A Game.
Except Hide And Seek.

GIRL: Why Not?!
I Love That Game!

BOY: Because A Girl Like
YOU Is Impossible To Find ... !

MIND BLOWING !!!!!

Teacher- Bcoz of d change in hormones a fruit get ripens
&
falls off the tree
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Student- Poor Newton!

He thought its bcoz of Gravity !!!