Jokes | चुटकुले

Santa:-Socha tumhe call kar loo, tum mujhe miss kar rahi hogi.
Jito:-Aur wo jo mujhse 5 minute pehle lad ke gaye they uska kya?
Santa:-Oh....phir ghar ka no. lag gaya.

Ek Bus Neher Me Gir Gayi

Police-Bus Kaise Giri
Driver-Muje Nai Pata

POLICE-Kya
Driver-Wo Aaj Helper Nai Aya
To Me Peche Kiraya Lene Gya Hua Tha

Teacher:-Batao Mahatma Gandhi kaha paida huye, aur unhone talim kaha hasil ki?
.
Papu:-Ji wo hospital mein paida huye aur school mein talim hasil ki.

Santa- Yar murgi k baccha anda todkar bahar kaise aa jate hain? Banta-Mujhe to ye samjh mein nahi aata saale band ande me ghus kaise jate hai

2 Nalayak Exam ke baad:
1st:
Ye paper konsa tha?
2nd:
Maths ka
1st:
Mtlb tu paper kr k aaya hai?
2nd:
Nai yaar! Sath wali ladki k paas Calculator dekha tha

Santa kangal hone par biwi se
bola: Tum bacho ko
nani ke yaha bhej do..
Aur
Tum apni maa k
pass chali jao
Mera kya hai
Main sasural chala
jaunga

PATI:Kaash main GANPATI hota tum 111- din tak meri puja karti Modak, Ladoo khilati....

PATNI:Haan kaash aisa hota fir har saal Visarjan ke saal NAYA pati lati

Santa Ne Amrud Liye to Usme Kida Nikla
Santa: Isme to Kida Nikla hai

Amrudwala: Ye Kismat ki Baat hai Kya Pata Agli Baar Motorcycle Nikal Jaye,

Santa apni biwi ko maar raha tha..
ek admi ne pucha kyu maar rahe ho ??

Santa : Docter ne kaha hai, isko dawai koot ke deni hai

1st Saheli-Tumne Ab Tak Shaadi Kyu Nai Ki
2nd-Shaadi To Karna Chahti hu But Manpasnd Pati Nai Mila
1st-Mai Shadi Suda hu Or mera b yahi prblm he

Santa: Sote waqt scale lekar soya
Banta:Tum scale kyon lekar soye
Santa: me dekhna chaahat hu ki mein kitna lamba sota hun

Compudar-Aap har marij se ye kyu puchte ho ki pichli Raat Kya kya khaye
Doctor-Usi se to pata chalta hai ki wo meri fees de sakta hai ya nahi

Santa bank gaya, wanha likha tha sone par loan milata hai.

Santa wanhi so gaya aur pucha 1 raat sone par kitna loan milega

4 shraabi 1 janaze ko uthakr jaldi jaldi kabro k upr se ja rahe the,
Kisi ne kha-'Oye sharm kro niche Murde h'
SHRABI-To upr konsa humne WORLD CUP utha rkha h.!

Dad- Whos this girl ??

Boy- ohh she, My girlfriend
.
.
.
.
next day




Dad- now whos this 'new' girl?

Boy-Rishta wohi Item Nayee.....

Prito: Mere hont bahut phat gaye hai, kuch lagane ke liye la dena

Santa: lo tumhare phate hoton ko jorane ke liye Fevicoal laya hun

santa : oye humne chokidar ko nikal diya
banta : kyu?
santa : sala chokidar wo tha aur rat hum pe chillata ' Jagte Raho'

Santa gets a msg-
'kya aap Anna Hazaare ke saath hai?'
Santa replies
'Nahi main taan ghare haan...kuch kamm si??'

Mazak ki bhi ek Hadd hoti hai YAAR

Main Ladki ke sath date maar raha tha aur mera dost uske samne aakar bola:
.
.
.
.
.
'kal wali Zyada achi thi'...

Santa Banta ki khub pitai huyi.
Par Q?
Qki
Dono B'Day party
me muft ka khana
khate pakde Gye
aur
kehne lage:Hum
Ladki walo k taraf-
se hai

Husband 2 wife~
'na kajre ki dhar,
na motio k haar.
na koi kiya singar,
phir b kitni sundar ho.'
Wife~
oye, saaf-2 bol na ki
'make-up k liye paise ni dunga':-)

SANTA KA NAYA GAS CYLINDER 6 SECOUND ME HI PURA HO GAYA.
KAISE?
Q KI SANTA NE GAS CYLINDER K PAAS ENO RAKHA THA, SIRF 6 SECOND ME KAM SHURU ;) HI HI HI

cycle wale ne 1 Aadmi ko takkar mar di.
Aur bola-Aap bahut lucky ho
Aadmi- kaise
Cycle wala- Aaj meri chutti hai
NAHI TO MAI TRUCK CHALATA HU

ek tiger ne zoo me santa ko maar diya bandar ne pucha-tune itni bheed me sirf use hi kyo mara?

tiger:-are yar sala kb se keh rha tha'ENNI WADDI BILLI'....

Boy-Cn i Hold ur Hand?
Grl-No!
Boy-Y?
Gal-cz it Hurts whn u Leave it.

Boy-Ma kasam,
Humari Acting!
To Ladkiyo ki Over Acting

Papu- Papa Good News H.
Snta- Kya?
Papu- Apko Yad H Apne Kha Tha K Agr Mai Exam Me Pas Ho Jaun To Muje 5000 Denge. Snta- Han.
Papu- Apke 5000 Bch Gye!.

Jailer-Suna he tum shayar ho..Kuchh sunao yaar
Qaidi-'Gum-e-Ulfatme jo zindgi kat ti Hmari
Jis Din zamanat hui us din zndagi khatam Tumhari.

Sharabi hawa me COIN uchaalkar bola:
Heads Aaya to WHISKEY, Tails aaya to VODKA.
Zamin par Khada raha to RUM,
Aur
hawa me raha to Aaj se DARU BAND;

2Machr Bate Kr Rhe The
1st Bola-Mai Docter Bnuga.

2ndBola-Main Engineer Bnuga.
Itne Me Aunti Ne MoRtIN Jla Di.
Mchr Bole-Sali Ne pura Career Khrab Kr Diya.

RAKHI SAWANT Train me!
TC- Ticket?
Rakhi-Mera to Chehra hi Ticket hai.
TC- Jurmana lgega!
Rakhi-Q?
TC- Qki Tum 1st CLASS me baithi ho & Chehra 3rd CLASS ka hai.

Ek ladki ne chote bache k gaal pe kiss ki.Girl-oh sorry tumare gaal pe lipstick lag gyi.Baby kuch achcha karne se agar daag lagte he to daag achche hain.

Circuit: Bhai america mein address puchega tho kya bolne ka
Munna: Dhobhi Ghaat
Circuit: Bhai english mein bolneka tho?
Munna: Washington